Sleep Challenge Check In

Oh my we are heading into two weeks of sleeping soundly. And may I tell you that this sleeping thing is a little bit of heaven! Oh how I love it. Who knew! This week I really noticed the difference. My cold is gone and I feel fabulous! Better than I have in a very long time. And my hair? Hello people I can have cute hair. Who knew how cute it could be all blow dried and straightened or cute and curly. There was only one ponytail day all week!

There wasn't a single night this week that I got less than 7 1/2 hours of sleep. And it wasn't even hard to make myself go to bed. In fact almost every night at about 9 I start getting tired and by 10 I'm exhausted. Last night my aunts were here and by 11 my eyes were burning and my body was screaming go to sleep! Then amazingly I sleep all night and wake up right before the alarm clock goes off! Perfection!

Other things I've noticed that rock are that I'm not nearly as hungry throughout the day as I was before. I'm way calmer in the mornings and actually enjoy playing around with Hulk and being silly as we get ready in the mornings. Those dark circles under my eyes are starting to fad. And the best part?!?! I haven't had a single head ache this week. Yahoo!

Now go get some sleep on me!

The British Are Coming!

Okay so the British aren't actually coming. But my aunts are coming to visit us TODAY! Yes all of my crazy aunts and a couple uncles should be arriving at my house in just a few hours. I'm so stinking excited I can hardly stand it. I love being around them!

Since we are preparing for a move the Aunts are coming to help me go thru some of mom's things. There were lots of things that we thought they might want. So this is the weekend to sort and divide and share memories and laugh and just enjoy each other!

Let's bring on the fun!!!

Favorite Things

I try really hard not to spend a lot of money on toys for Hulk. And lately I haven't had to try hard since there hasn't been much extra money. I've always been a firm believer that children really like simple ordinary things. So for the most part I steer clear of the high ticket overly marketed toys. And every day that child reminds me that I'm right. Because this child is in love with Magic Grow Capsules!!!

Every evening for the past two weeks we have had to "water them" as he says. He loves to toss the capsules in the water and swish them all around.

And every evening he is still shocked that the capsules turn into something like animals or shapes or bugs. Every time one of them pops open he grabs is up and says "wook mama". So simple yet still so entertaining!

Sometimes he even covers his eyes so he can be even more surprised by them opening up.

And every single night when the bowl is full of sponge critters and the capsules are all disolved I hear the exact same thing from him. "More mama peeeeseee!"

What's In Your Laundry Basket

Whenever I do Hulk's laundry I always find some sort of surprise. This week was no exception.

First I found a wonderful pinwheel.

And then a cool yellow ball!

And since dirty clothes often cook it only made sense that I found a whisk!

But the best find of all was the Fisher Price Little People Virgin Mary!!!

So I've the Virgin Mary in my laundry basket.... What do you have in yours????

What You Really Mean

You know how sometimes you hear people or maybe yourself saying certain things and as soon as you hear it you think to yourself that's not what they really mean. You know it's true. We all say things we don't really mean. We do it to be socially appropriate or to display positive parenting. We do it so we don't get our butts kicked by people bigger than us or so we get that raise at work. We all do it. Here are just a few examples.

Today I said to Hulk: "Hulk please do not pick up the puppy like that. Put her down and pet her nicely."

What I really meant was: "Child if you pick that damn dog up like that again I will whack you in the head."

While on the phone with a friend I heard her say to her child: "Please stop bouncing that ball like I asked you too a minute ago."

What she really meant was: "If I ask you one more time I'm going to take that ball and all the rest of your toys and throw them away FOREVER!!!"

When you are trying to pee in a public bathroom and someone pushes the door open you say: "Oh it's okay."

What you mean is: "I'm in here trying to pee and maybe change my tampon and the door just slammed me in the head. If I wanted you to sit in my lap I would have invited you."

So what is it that you really mean?

The Medium

My sister and I recently met with a medium. We have had palm readings done before and I've recently been very interested in trying out the medium experience. I went in trying to have no expectations but it was a really great experience for me. My sister wasn't as impressed as I was but for me it was awesome.

We of course wanted to know about our mom and the medium was able to tell us some things that were spot on about her. Things that made sense to us and I know put me at ease. One of the best parts for me was when the medium was telling me about mom and Hulk. There have been several times in the past that I have felt like maybe Hulk could see my mom or felt her or something. And the medium was able to give me some information that confirmed that. So I'm thrilled to report that my dead mother thinks my son is "a hoot!"

While I of course wanted to know some things about my mom I really wanted to talk to the medium about Hulk. There are some things that he has done and comments that have been made about him that really made me feel like a medium could provide some answers. And she was able to provide some answers and direction for me and that was a HUGE relief. Hulk even woke up from his nap while she was still at the house so she was able to meet with him too. It was interesting to me to watch their interaction. Very cool experience.

So before the comments start I just need to confirm to you all that I am still a Christian. I believe in God and I think that is the reason I can believe in the power of spirits and the fact that some people can communicate with them. I firmly believe that the relationships and love we have for people on this earth do not end with death. That connection remains and the energy of that kind of love has to go somewhere. Why wouldn't there be a way for someone to connect to it. If we can have a connection with God why wouldn't we be able to connect with the people we love the most after they die? While I know my views do not match everyone else's it is what I believe. It's what I have to believe. So feel free to disagree with me. I'm a big girl. I can handle that. I can even handle lively discussion. But please be respectful and play fair. :-)

Not Me Monday!

This week I promise that I did NOT let my son wear one sock with Elmo on it and one sock with Cookie Monster on it just because he wanted too. I did NOT pick my battles and decide that mismatched Seasame Street socks just weren't worth a fit.

I also did NOT get dressed and go to work and realize half way through my day that I was wearing one brown shoe and one black shoe. YIKES!

And I did NOT make a meatloaf for dinner one evening and drop it on the floor as I was putting it in the oven. I then did not just scrape off the top layer that touched the floor and cook the rest. Yuck!

What did you NOT do this week?

Tradition

My sister's birthday is today! She is 23 this year which is just crazy to me! But since it's here birthday I made her traditional birthday cake.

 

You know some people make cakes from scratch and others make elaborately decorated cakes. But around these parts we are all about Strawberry cakes straight out of a box. Call us simple if you wish but we love them. Well actually my sister loves them. They are her favorite. So that's what I make.

 

Usually I do try to fancy up this boxed cake by making it in layers with lots of yummy cream cheese frosting. But I couldn't find my round cake pans. I believe that some little boy used them for something and didn't return them. And because I was making the cake during that boy's nap time I didn't waste a moment looking for them. I baked the traditional strawberry cake out of box in a nice aluminum throw away pan. I'm so darn fancy. Your jealous aren't you?

So here's to tradition, simplicity, and a super 23rd birthday to my beautiful sister.

 

Sleep Challenge Rocks

Okay folks I'm 6 days into the sleep challenge and I have to tell you that it rocks! Who knew that sleep could be so very wonderful! I've managed to get 8 hours of sleep every night for the last 6 nights and I can tell a real difference. I've started waking up before the alarm clock or right about the time it goes off. I actually blow dried my hair and ate breakfast at home 3 times this week.

This week I have had a cold and an ear infection. Even though I've been under the weather I've still felt better this week then usual. If I hadn't been getting the 8 hours of sleep I'm thinking I would have felt much worse!

Tonight I am letting myself stay up a little later than usual only because I snuck a nap with Hulk and the puppy this afternoon. I guess it's my celebration late night because this whole sleeping thing is pretty awesome!!!

Welcome Sophie

 

While we are still missing Lena girl like crazy we welcomed our newest addition home today. Miss Sophie is a shitzu and is quite a spunky little pup. I'm sure she will fit in around here just fine in no time. My friend Dena's mom just had this litter of pups ready to go and when she heard about my Lena said to come over and take our pick. I hated to get a dog so quickly but was afraid to pass up the offer. Also Hulk has been looking all over for Lena and was breaking my heart so I thought Sophie might distract him.

He immediately began to call her Lena because all dogs are Lena dontcha know! I told him several times that her name is Sophie but he calls her Soapy which I think is pretty cute. It's not so cute when he tries to hug her to death or wrap her in blankets. Gonna have to keep a close eye on them until Sophie is big enough to hold her own.

So welcome home Sophie girl. Please don't go in the street or pee on my floor!

A Gift From Grandma

My sister and I have been spending a lot of time sorting thru things before the house sells. There is much that I will need to get rid of. But some things are just to precious to sell. A beautiful tea set that my mom had is one of those things. In fact there were several little tea sets so Heather and I each got to keep one. But one tea set went to a special little girl we know.

 

Our niece Mattie loves to have tea parties. So it seemed only fitting to pass on the tea set to her. She was a little nervous when we had her sit down to unwrap her gift from Grandma. We told her she had to be careful and boy was she. She was a little scared to touch it at first.

 

But once she saw what it was she was pretty happy. As soon as half of it was unwrapped she was ready for tea and coffee with us.

 

It's so cool to see her play with it. Our mom used to have tea parties with Heather and I frequently. I know if she was here she would love to have tea parties with her grandkids too. So I'm just thrilled that Mattie loved the gift so much.

 

She also made sure to have her dad put it away high on a shelf so her sister and Hulk wouldn't mess with it. Smart girl!

Goodbye Lena Lou

My Lena dog was hit and killed by a car this morning. She would have been 4 on St. Patrick's Day. In all honesty Lena was one rotten dog but she was my rotten dog and I really did love her. Darbis made me get Lena when my mom was sick. She said I needed her. And she was right. There were many times after my mom died that I only got out of bed because of that dog. There were many many nights I would snuggle up with Miss Lena and sob my eyes out. She was my constant companion. I'm gonna miss her!

I will also miss the...

Kleenex and toilet paper shredding...

stealing of toys...

eater of Hulk's dropped food...

barking and barking and barking...

the way she hid all her dog treats...

the way she bumped us if she wanted to be petted...

the way she jumped up and down when Hulk and I got home in the evenings...

the way her name sounds with Hulk says it...

You were one rotten naughty incredibly loved pup Lena Lou! We will miss you bunches!!!

I Thought He Was Sleeping...

While I may be trying to get more sleep lately my little man is trying to get less. He has recently figured out how to open his bedroom door and get out of his room. This has led to him actually falling asleep later and later because he is goofing around in and out of his room rather than just going to sleep.

To try and curb this I put up the baby gate so he couldn't get out of his room even if he opened the door. Apparently that is not effective in curtailing the goofing around. Because while I thought he was sleeping he was actually doing this....

 

Oh yes indeed that would be lotion. Not only did Hulk make sure he was covered in lotion he also covered the door, gate, carpet, his bed, his dresser and some of his toys. While I wanted to be mad I had to remind myself that this is just one more story that I'll be telling when he is older and in all honesty I may miss these kind of nights some day. So I cleaned up lotion, kissed a very moist skinned boy good night and closed the door. Who knows what he will do tomorrow night!!!

Sleep Challenge

I spend most days feeling exhausted. I yawn and struggle to stay awake at my computer. I live off of Diet Dr. Pepper and don't know what I would do without the caffeine. In fact the idea of not starting my day with soda terrifies me. I am known to snooze my alarm for over an hour or sleep thru it all together. Even though it is loud enough to be heard on the other side of the house. And since I oversleep my hair has been in nothing but a ponytail rather than blow dried and styled in over a month. Not pretty my friends, not pretty!

I'm sleep deprived!

But no more of that. Starting Sunday night I set myself a bed time. I must be in bed no later than 10:00 p.m. I am making sure that I get 8 hours of sleep. I'm going to make myself follow my personal sleep challenge for the next 30 days just to see what happens. I don't know if I'll feel better or not. I do know I won't get as much stuff done. And I am okay with that. Well I think I'm okay with that. Mainly I just want to see what happens if I make myself go to sleep on time.

Wanna join me? I'd love to have some others try this out with me and see how it works for them. I'm going to try to update you all on how it's going on Tuesday's and Saturday's.

Not Me Monday!

Oh you all thought I forgot it was Monday didn't you? Well I can assure you that I know it is Monday. However, I obviously do not know how to schedule posts correctly. Because while this was supposed to post this morning I noticed that it hadn't. Let's just say I did NOT schedule the post for the wrong date....

I did NOT happen to find my child playing with dog food this week. He would NOT have tons of toys but still find dog food to be an enjoyable play thing.

 

I did NOT keep Sylas happy in the car on the way to the big city by feeding him cheese its and ice chips the whole way.

I also did NOT drive home very quickly in an effort to make it home before he woke up.

I did NOT forget a load of clothes in the dryer for two days. By then they were NOT so wrinkled that I just rewashed them rather than iron them.

So what did you NOT do this week?

The Best Valentine's Day Ever!

This has by far been the best Valentine's Day I have ever had! I spent it with my two favorite people so how could it not be right!!! Hulk and I headed to the big city this morning to spend the day with my sister. And what a fabulous time we had! We went to lunch where Hulk was on his best behavior and had a great meal. And then we headed to a science center that was a ton of fun!!!

 

This place was so cool and so great for kids and adults. They had awesome water tables that Hulk loved. He thinks water is super cool and was pretty amazed by it. But if I had to be honest my sister and I thought it was pretty cool too.

 

They had an exhibit about the Wright brothers with lots of fun things all about planes and flying. We tried out a flight simulator, looked at some awesome model airplanes and Hulk even practiced doing a little flying himself.

 

Hey look at that. There are even two yes two pictures of Hulk and I together. He doesn't really go all over by himself. I am just usually the only person with the camera. But today I handed it off to my sister to actually get a couple of pics of me and the boy having a good time. He will always be my first Valentine!!!

 

One of the exhibits was all about Mr. Potato Head. I've never seen so many potato head parts. And there was an awesome archeology dig activity that Hulk loved. He didn't care much about finding the fake bones. He was really into the fake rocks and digging gear.

We so needed a fun day together doing something different. We have been stuck in the same routine for so long that it was such a great relief to get out and do something fun together. I wish we lived in a bigger city so we do these type of things more often. Maybe someday right. Until then it will just make our trips to the big city even more special.

Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day too!!!

My Son... The Ice Skater!

We were out at my brother's house the other day and ice skaters were on TV. Hulk was so impressed with the figure skating! I'm not sure if it was the costumes, music, lights, or ice that intrigued him so but he loved it!

 

He stood in front of the TV and copied the movements. Nothing like toddler carpet skating to entertain the adults! It is very difficult to do a triple axle on carpet!

 

I've always thought Hulk seemed to be built for football. But after watching him I'm beginning to wonder if figure skating is in his future....

 

Maybe next week we should have him watch hockey. I'm thinking he would be very impressed with the fighting on ice.

More Sharing

Awhile back I shared with you a code to get a free canvas. What I forgot to share with you was the great site I found out about the code from. It's one of my favorite parenting sites and it is called Raising Small Souls. There always seems to be something great there every time I visit. Lots of parenting tips, tricks, activities, etc. So I highly recommend it!

How Much More

I try really hard to stay positive. I try to always put one foot in front of the other. I try to keep trudging forward, pull myself up by the boot straps, see the glass as half full. Really I try to do those things. And most days I'm successful at trying to stay positive. With every ounce of my being I attempt to find the blessings in the midst of the chaos. I look for the silver lining and pray for strength and gratitude. I do have so very much to be thankful for.

But tonight I'm left wondering how much more I can take. How much more can I withstand. Because I feel like I'm breaking. I feel like I'm just worn out, empty really. I'm running out of ideas to save us for yet another month. I'm running out of things to sell, people to photograph, and ways to dodge bills. I never thought my life would be like this and it's frustrating. But most of all it's left me feeling hopeless.

I don't want a lot. I don't want a fancy house or a nice car. I don't want to take a vacation or buy a new wardrobe. What I want is to go to the grocery store and buy the food we need without returning items and getting refunds to pay for it. I want to buy myself one pair of jeans that fits and I want to buy Hulk a pair too. And I don't want name brand crazy expensive jeans. I just want something that fits. I want to get my paycheck and have it get my checking account out of overdraft. I want to pay all of my bills when they are due. Is that crazy? Is that really so hard to imagine. We have been living like this for more than a year now and I really don't know how much more I can take.

Every day I wonder what is going to get shut off, who is going to call for money, if someone is going to sue me. Every day I pray that disaster doesn't strike. Every day I hope against hope that somehow some miracle will happen and some relief will come. But how long can one person hope. How long can I keep going like this. And how can I make it better? I just don't know....

Oh how I wish life was just a little bit easier....

The Blessing

My little man is still not feeling great. He does well during the day but as darkness comes he get worse. So very typical though isn't it. Everything is worse at night. So sleep has not been coming easy for him or I either one. Tonight he went down pretty easily but was up within a hour and was just pretty upset. So I laid him in my bed so we could snuggle and read while he tried to relax. In no time at all he was back to sleep.

While I should have gotten up and folded the laundry, or edited pictures, or done a million other things I stayed laying beside him. Just watching him. And in that moment I was reminded of how much I'm going to miss this. Not the sick part but the snuggly little boy part. I'm going to miss this time where a hug and song from his mama fixes everything. I know that in no time at all he will be big and life's problems will be hard. And I won't be able to fix it all for him. So since I know I'm going to miss it I stayed beside him for awhile longer tonight and enjoyed the perfection of him.

He is my blessing. It's hard to believe that almost 2 years has passed since he came home to me. How different my world is. I could have had other babies but God sent me this blessing, this special boy. And as I watched him tonight I was once again overwhelmed at the perfection of us together. We were meant to be. Some people think of soul mates in a romantic way but I firmly believe that his soul and mine were meant to be joined in this world. I know that God designed us for one another. And that is such a blessing to me. To know that out of the whole world God pieced the two of us together after such a long broken difficult journey through adoption is breathtaking to me. We were meant to be in every way.

So I'm gonna take every snuggle I can get and try my hardest to never forget that this little boy and I are pretty darn blessed to have one another.

My Sister's Keeper

Have any of you read the book My Sister's Keeper or watched the movie? I read the book awhile back and loved it. It was a fabulous book and an intriguing story. Honestly, one of the best books I have read in awhile. The character development was fabulous. I actually felt like I knew the characters. And the story while emotional was told in a way that seemed very realistic. I just loved the book.

And then I watched the movie. Ugh the movie was so disappointing. My biggest problem with the movie was that it was nothing like the book. Major plot lines were changed. If the movie had a different title I would have said it was good. But the fact that it was supposed to be about the book and was oh so different left me feeling very let down. Anyone else watch it?

Jessie

Not Me Monday

Wow Monday is almost over! I can assure you that I did NOT forget that it was Monday and time for this post. I'm NOT a little busy and distracted by things like days of the week.

I have NOT been cleaning my house like crazy in an effort to keep it show ready if people come to see it. I promise that I do NOT hate the time spent cleaning. I also do NOT love that the house looks so nice. I do NOT wish that it could always look like this with only half the effort.

I did NOT catch myself at an important meeting for work spacing of and humming a little song. If that happened I would NOT have been humming Sing Sing a Song by Big Bird. I'm way cooler than that!

I did NOT wear a pair of pants to work one day and take them off and throw them in the hamper. A couple days later when I was running late and running low on clean work pants I did NOT fish that same pair out of the hamper. About 10 that morning I can assure you that I did NOT feel something funny and look down to see a pair of under wear sticking out of the bottom of my pants. Yikes! I'm sure glad that did NOT happen to me!!!!

So what did you NOT do this week????

Jessie

Lazy Day Sunday

We have had quite the lazy day around here. We woke up late because some little boy was up most of the night with a fever. He didn't have any other symptoms just a dang fever and pretty restless. So we slept in and snuggled this morning. It was really nice. That doesn't get to happen very often.

After breakfast we got dressed and guess what was showing up on Hulks tummy and back? Chicken Pox! I knew that fever had to be from something. There are only two so far on his face but he has quite a few on his tummy, back, and one leg. I'm sure more will be coming. He is doing great with it so far. Not scratching them much and he went down for nap easily. The benedryl seems to help with the itching so that is good.

Honestly from the way the day has gone you wouldn't know he was sick. He has been super good and we have spent most of the day being lazy together. Reading books, playing with blocks, etc. Very low key. I'm sure it will get worse before it gets better but for the time being I'm enjoying our lazy day Sunday.

Hiding From The Cookie Monster

 

My niece has quite the imagination. She developed a game the other night for us to play. She wanted us to hide from the cookie monster. She would yell that he was coming and we all had to cover our eyes. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the cookie monster could still see us. She stills thinks that if she can't see something that means they or it can't see her. Such a fun age! So we play the silly games and she had a blast. And the rest of the grown ups had a lot of fun watching us look like fools.

Can You Guess

Can you guess what we are doing? If you have any great ideas let me know. I'll tell ya later tonight what the real scoop is.

 

Q & A

I've had some questions lately and as usual this is always the easiest way to respond. So let's dive in and see what we have got. Some of you ask some tough questions!

If you sell your house won't you miss your mom more? Isn't that where she lived?

I don't think that anything could make me miss my more than I already do. This is where she lived right before she died. But my mom is not here. I'm slowly beginning to understand that my mom is wherever I am. She is in my heart and thankfully my heart travels well. So while there are memories of her here this isn't her home now. So we pack up and move forward.

Where are you going to move?

Wonderful question and one I ask myself fairly often. I don't know yet where we will move. When I get an offer on the house I'll figure that out. Who know I may just pack everything in a U-Haul and flip a coin and go. I'm feeling rather brave as of late.

Is Hulk still having temper tantrums?

You bet he is. In fact this evening he threw a big old fit because I would not let him get in the bathtub with his clothes on. I'm a mean mom like that. I am beginning to accept that this temper tantrum business is just part of life right now. I pick my battles and I have learned how to tune out the screaming and crying from time to time. Eventually he stops and we go back on about our day. I'm trying to just not make a big deal out of it anymore. Does that make sense?

How is your photography business going?

It is going well. In fact the first month of this year was busier than any other time in the past. I also have a few weddings coming up and several boudoir sessions scheduled. I love it! I just wish I could do it all the time. I've also been working on a special photography project that I'll be sharing with you all soon.

How did you come up with your blog nicknames?

Well have you seen my child??? He is an incredible hulk and an incredible hunk! He is one big boy. So if I was forced to give him a blog name then The Hulk just seemed like the best fit. And mine is simple. I'm always clickin away with my camera so Clickin Mama J seemed to fit. Though I would love to just always use our real names. I'm kinda fond of them.

Okay I must go to bed. I'm exhausted. Hope this answers some of your questions. As always feel free to message me anytime.

Land of Latte

 

My once brightly colored home has turned into the land of latte. This is allegedly the "hot neutral" right now. I don't know anything about neutral colors. I'm more of a bright, bold, bordering on annoying colors type of girl. The brighter the better in my book. I just enjoy color. But I've now coated my walls in latte. And now that the painting has been done for about a week I have to say it is growing on me. I don't like it in my kitchen or living room at all. But I love latte in my bathroom. It makes all the white pop and just feels very clean and calm. So while I would love to have my bright colors back at least latte land isn't a totally boring place to be.

 

 

Adoption Issues

I'm sure most of you have heard the news about "missionaries" and I use that term lightly that went to Haiti to "save children" again used lightly and have now been charged with trying to take the children out of the country illegally. Ugh I could just scream about this! In fact I think I did yell at the radio a bit this morning while listening to the news reports.

While I am a huge advocate for adoption I'm a bigger advocate for families and responsible adoptions! I am sure that these people thought they were helping or saving children but their poor decision making can bring all adoptions from Haiti to a standstill. There are many legitimate adoptions pending in Haiti but all of that can be stopped by the poor choices of a few individuals.

I'm also so very frustrated by the idea that adoptions are "saving" children. While coming to America may provide children with food and shelter is it really saving them. If they are just temporarily seperated from their parents or they have relatives that could care for them in their country that would be in their best interest. I know I personally would rather go hungry or live in poverty then be seperated from my family. Adoptions don't save children that have families. Adoptions should only move forward when other options have been investigated and all adoption laws have been followed.

And while I'm ranting about this I just have to say who are we as a country to assume it is our job to "save" children. How arrogant are we? If something horrible happened in this country and you were seperated from your children how happy would you be that someone from another country came and took your kids to "save" them. The best way to "save" children is to help their families reconnect, rebuild, and recovery from the tragedy.

Okay enough of that. I just strongly believe that adoption is too important to sit by and watch as people make poor choices that can affect legal adoptions for years to come. The children's best interests must always be considered.

Letting Go

Today I did it. I took a really big step in letting go. I actually took down the last calendar in this house. It was hanging in the laundry room and was stuck at September 2006. The month my mom died. See it's odd but I could never take down the calenders. I have kept them all up and never turned the page. September 2006 on every calender. I just couldn't let go of them. But the Realtor seemed to think that outdated calenders didn't look so good. So down they came. And I let go.

 

As I took that last calendar down I realized something. The reason that I couldn't take the calenders down was simply my unwillingness to move forward. My mom's life stopped in September of 2006 and in many ways so did mine. Yes I've kept working, I had a child, and I've built a business. I have dined on many meals, laughed with my friends and family, and watched seasons pass. But a huge piece of my heart is forever in September 2006. A huge portion of who I used to be. See when Heather and I laid in bed beside our mom as she died a big part of us died too. And the part of us that lived struggles every day with turning the page on the calenders of our new life. How do we do that without losing more of her. It's an ongoing struggle.

I know that putting the calender away won't solve that problem. But it's a step in the right direction. Three and a half years later I'm learning to live again. I'm learning how to build a new life. And I'm turning that page.

Progress I suppose....

Not Me Monday

This week I did NOT watch my child slip and fall in the garage and fall right into a cardboard box. I did NOT run for my camera rather than help him up quickly. It was NOT to cute to pass up the photo op!

 

I did NOT load the groceries into the car and place hulk in his car seat beside the bags of groceries. I did NOT consider how he has developed go go gadget arms that can stretch to crazy lengths. So when I turned around to look at him as we were about half way home I did NOT find him scarfing down blueberries at a super human rate of speed. He had not consumed more than half of the package! I promise you I did NOT spend a good portion of that evening changing poop filled diapers.

I did NOT leave a rather inappropriate silly voicemail message for my friend the other day only to recieve a call back from "Michael" who is not my friend and did not think my voicemail was silly or entertaining in the least.

What did you not do this week?