That Kind of Mom

I'm the kind of mom that....

Let's her kid play in the bathtub until the water is ice cold
and he turns into a wrinkled a prune.

Sometimes loses her temper over silly little things
but holds it together in the middle of pure chaos.

Thinks someday having a dad around would be a great idea
but also doesn't want to share her child with another parent.

Teaches her kid how to say his prayers and say please and thank you
but also teaches him how to stick out his tongue, do a touch down dance, and say "Yo".

Doesn't always cook a "real meal" but tries to sneak veggies and fruit into every meal.

Let's her little one climb in her bed in the middle of the night
only because I know someday he won't and I'll miss it.

Hates to see her child hurt but also thinks those bumps and bruises
will make for quite a story someday and give him character.

Will wear old not cool clothes so she can buy whatever her kid needs.

Prays everyday to be the best mom possible but also laughs and let's go
of those not so perfect mom moments.

Talks like an Asian person just to make my kid laugh.

Wants to take my kid all over the world
but would settle for a lifetime of memories at home.

Is so thankful everyday that I was blessed with such a caring, funny,
silly, tough, intuitive, creative little boy.

A Confession

I have a confession to make. One that will probably leave me with some negative comments. But one that I think I'm not alone on. And I have to say it because I'm about to scream my bloody head off. I can't take it anymore. So are you ready for the truth? Can you handle the truth? Here it is!

Some days I really don't like being a mom!

I love my son every single day. And I love being a mom every day. But some days I really don't like it! Like today with the constant whining, 4 poopy diapers, every toy dumped onto the floor, three temper tantrums, 6 visits to the naughty spot, and thrown food found in places I didn't know food could go. I'm not liking being a mom! The constant redirection, singing of songs, teller of stories, picker upper of everything, and no time outdoors because it is 2 degrees has left me in a very unlikeable mom state.

Some days I really want to ram my head into a wall!

Because I feel like I do everything all the time and no one does anything for me. Sometimes I just want to say screw it and leave every toy on the floor. Sometimes I don't want to dress someone else or take care of someone else. Sometimes I don't want to be the one giving the hugs. I want a dang hug! And you know what sometimes I don't wanna be covered in someone elses snot or food or spilled milk. Crazy I know. But I'd like to put on an outfit in the morning and take it off in the evening and not have any unidentifiable stains on it. Can you imagine!

Some days I just want to rest!

I want to go somewhere for one night. I want to stay in a hotel or a bed and breakfast and lay in a quiet soft bed. I want to take a bath instead of a 4 minute shower. I want to shave my legs which I haven't done since I was in D.C. in JUNE! I want to sleep all night long without waking up to check on anyone. I want to not set an alarm. I want to eat my own breakfast while it is still warm. I want to slowly get ready in the morning without worrying about someone biting the hair dryer cord. Oh what I would give for one night away! Just the thought makes tears come to my eyes. I hadn't cried about all this until I wrote this paragraph. God I really need a day away.

So that is the truth. Will someone please please tell me that they feel this way sometimes too. Please tell me I'm not the only mama that is just not liking all this all the time. And please if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything.

Clickin Mama

Working Mommy Feature

Julia over at Sweet As Punkin Pie had a great idea to feature working mom's on her blog. I have really loved reading about how other working mom's manage to get it all done. And today Julia is featuring me for her Working Mommy Wednesdays. So head over and check out what I had to say. And make sure you check back next week to see what some other great working mommy has to share!

Great idea Julia! You rock!!!!

Clickin Mama

Is Everything Alright In There

Last weekend The Hulk and I took a road trip to attend my sister's best friend's wedding. Whew that was a mouth full! Anyways, Kelci's wedding was 3 hours from our home. So the closer we got to our destination the worse I had to go to the bathroom. But I didn't want to stop with The Hulk because it is just a hassle. So I text my sister to tell her we are 10 minutes away and ask where to meet her. I'm thinking to myself that I can't wait to hand him off to her and run for the bathroom. Well she informs me that they are in another small town about 15 miles away and to just meet them at the church for the rehearsal. She also informs me there are lots of parks to take The Hulk too to kill some time. Super! I really have to pee!

So I decide I can't wait any longer and we stop at a McDonald's as soon as we get to town. I take the wiggly toddler into the handicap stall with me and this is what went down....

Me: The Hulk mommy has to go potty. You need to stand right there and not move.

The Hulk: No no! He begins to attempt to crawl under the door.

Me: I grab The Hulk and pull him back from under the door. The Hulk you can't crawl on the floor. Just stand right there for one minute.

The Hulk: Wat Dat as he begins to pull the toilet paper off the roll.

Me: Using my firm voice now. The Hulk seriously stop touching things. No No!

The Hulk: Wat Dat as he begins to play with the trash can that I know is covered in poop germs!

Me: I grab The Hulk up and hold his wiggling kicking body under one arm while I hover over the toilet peeing because you know you can't sit down.

The Hulk: Begins to scream and cry. Using his most pathetic shriek that could only mean that a troll has rammed a bamboo shoot under his fingernails. He kicks harder I try to hover. I begin to sway. I yell at him to quit it.

And then I hear it. The shrill little old lady voice. "Is everything alright in there?"

Me: It's super thanks for asking!

Seriously who asks that. Does it sound like things are okay. I have three hours worth of pee that I'm trying to hover over a toilet and release, a kid that is acting like a crackhead and has now bit down on my arm in an attempt to be released, and in the midst of it all I just lost my balance and peed on my shoe!!!

YES IT'S SUPER!!!!

Clickin Mama

Da Da Heather

 

The Hulk has taken to calling Aunt Heather DaDa. I think it is pretty cute. He sure knows who he loves! And because DaDa Heather is so fabulous she actually kept The Hulk for me last night and is going to bring him home this evening. So I am actually enjoying 24 hours of child free time! I needed a little break so it's been wonderful so far. I actually slept in until 10:00 this morning! I haven't done that since before The Hulk was born. Amazing! And now I'm off to get some things done. I hope DaDa and The Hulk are having as much fun as I am!

Clickin Mama

Single or Alone

Am I really a single mother or am I just a mom that is alone? Some days I'm just not sure. Today was one of those days. When I think of myself as a single mom I picture it as a choice. I am choosing to raise this beautiful boy on my own. And most days that choice is right for us. Most days I want nothing else but to be his mom and not share him with anyone.

And then there are days like today that I just feel like I'm alone on this parenting ship that is floating down river fast without a single oar. On those days I wish I had a little help. It's the things that I think most two parent households take for granted that I wish I had some help with. And when I hear people complain about their spouse not doing anything to help I just wanna slap them. Seriously? Nothing to help. Come on now. Come visit my house and tell me he is doing nothing!

I'd love to have another adult just present in the house after The Hulk is sleeping so I could go on a walk alone or make a quick trip to the grocery store. Or how about someone else to say no and redirect him one time out of the 874 times that needs to be done each day. Or here this is a good one. Maybe someone else could take a day off work when he is sick. Or even better yet maybe just maybe a second set of hands would be helpful to do all the other stuff that needs done while I do the kid stuff. Maybe they could pay the bills, or empty the trash, or answer the phone, or change the sheets that have been peed on.

You are probably wondering why I'm ranting about this. And it's simple. I have heard one to many married or in a relationship women say they feel alone. I'm sick of it! I don't want to hear it anymore. And the next woman that says it to me is getting an ear full! You wanna feel alone? Have your baby have a seizure in the middle of the night. Imagine you are terrified, don't know what is wrong with him, and can't help him. Then imagine you turn to call for your husband for help, or to lean on, or to call 911 for you. And then imagine he isn't there. Now that is alone!

Enough said!

Clickin Mama

Feeling Better

 

The Hulk is feeling much better! Today we went to our regular doctor for a follow up and he also agreed that the seizure was brought on by the fever. So I am trying to allow myself to relax and let go of the paranoia. The Hulk has been fever free for over 24 hours now so he is clear to go back to daycare. In fact today he was pretty silly. We had a dance party as usual. He loves Akon, Shakira, Miley Cyrus and Clickin Mamae McCartney.

I even decided to set the timer on the camera and take a couple pictures of us together. I don't have many of the two of us and decided it is time to change that. I don't even care if they are out of focus, bad hair day, crap in the background pictures. We just need some proof that there are two of us. I was looking through pictures the other day and determined that the kid looks like an orphan. He goes places and does things all by himself if you just look at the pictures. So I'm gonna figure out a way to do more of us.

So The Hulk is mended and all is right in our world again... except he shared his virus with me and I'm starting to get sick. Boy I love that kid!

Clickin Mama

Sweet The Hulk

Seriously even on the worst of days it's never that bad! How could it be when you get to see smiles like that! Such a sweet sweet boy! I'd do anything for him. That includes eating food I don't like, going on walks I don't want to go on, checking my blood sugar all day, giving myself shots, and anything else the doctor tells me to do. I stuck one of the above pictures in my diabetes pack. So every time I check my blood sugar I look at that laughing adorable face. That is the face I want to see every day for the rest of my life. I'll do what I have to for him. He deserves that!

I think back to how hard my mom fought to stay with Heather and I. She didn't want to leave us. She went through tests and chemo and medicine and fought like crazy. If she could do that for us I can do this for him. Nothing I have to do is as rough as that! I'll never forget one of my last good days with her. I was laying on the couch with my head in her lap sobbing. It was kind of our good bye talk a couple weeks before she died. I thanked her for everything she had done for me and apologized for being such a shit to her when I was a teenager. She just ran her hands through my hair and said something I will never forget. "Being your mom and Heather's mom is the best job in the world. I never want it to end". I thought I understood that then but I didn't. Now as I rock my little boy to sleep and run my fingers through his hair I really do understand. Sweet boy I never want this to end!

I'll fight for you, for us, forever!

Clickin Mama

Questions and Answers

I've been telling you all forever that I was working on a Q and A post from your emails and comments. And I have been working on it however I didn't tell you I was working very slowly. It's been in draft for weeks but I think I have crammed enough questions into one post so here you go. Of course if you have other questions for me leave them in the comments or email me and I'll answer them slowly but I will.

Did you try adoptive nursing with The Hulk or only do bottle feeding?

The Hulk was completely bottle fed and that worked for us. I really wanted to try adoptive nursing and maybe in the future I will. But The Hulk' adoption came as such a surprise that I didn't' really have enough notice to start on the necessary medication. Maybe I'll have this opportunity with adoption number 2.

You don't talk about your parents much, are they involved in your life?

My mom died September 2, 2006. Prior to that she was very involved in my life. I have a whole section of my blog labeled mom that talks about her or my issues surrounding her death. You can also visit my old blog
Hunna's Happenings for more about my mama.

My dad and step mom don't live close by so we don't get to see them often. We do talk on the phone regularly and visit when we can. I wish they lived closer (hint hint) but right now that just isn't an option.

Who helps you with The Hulk since he doesn't have a dad?

I'm lucky to have the people in my life that I do. My best friend Darby and her wonderful husband Chris are my biggest supporters locally. They are the ones that help with The Hulk the most. They keep him when I have to travel and help me out a lot when I'm in a bind with daycare or just life. They are his God Parents and I wouldn't have it any other way! If I can't be with The Hulk I prefer that he is with them or my sister.

My sister Heather is also a big help with The Hulk. Though she lives out of town she comes home a couple times a month to visit and hang out. She is a great help and a huge support! The Hulk adores Aunt Heather and she is so much fun to have around.

What do you feed The Hulk for snacks?

I honestly treat The Hulk' snack time like I do mealtimes. I try to avoid giving him packaged "snack type foods". We do lots of fruit, veggies, and beans. He loves my snack mix that I make using dried fruit and fiber one cereal. When we are out and about and it's time for a snack I try to have dried fruit with us. He does love cheese crackers and goldfish so he gets those from time to time. He also loves graham crackers so sometimes I let him have those with a little bit of apple butter on them. Delicious!

Did you get your financial situation straightened out?

Ugh yes and no. I'm out of serious danger right now but I'm not comfortable at all with our financial situation. I don't like debt, I don't like not having enough in savings, I don't like not knowing where the money is coming from and when. So I'm not comfortable right now. But I have a plan. I have a huge garage sale coming up. I also have some big items to sell on Craigslist or Ebay and I have a couple big photo sessions coming up. I'm also trying to get some different plan arranged in regards to my student loans. Right now one whole paycheck a month is going towards student loans that that just isn't working... So hopefully that will help me to feel a little more comfortable. However, winning the lottery sounds great too!

So that's what I've got answered so far. I of course have more to answer but I will conquer those another day.

Clickin Mama

Vaccinations

The Hulk had to get some vaccinations last night. What you say? You are surprised? Oh wait so was I! This was not a planned event at all. In fact it caused quite a stir in my day! I'm not happy about it at all. And my frustration is about several different things.

As I've blogged about before I'm very leery of vaccinations. I'm not opposed to vaccinations. In fact I think that vaccinations are responsible for preventing the spread of very deadly illnesses. However, I am very much opposed to the vaccination schedule currently used for our children. And I'm incredibly opposed to giving numerous vaccinations at once. And I get downright angry about being forced or manipulated into having to "obey" the vaccination schedule that I feel could be harmful to my child. As a parent I should be able to make all medical decision about my own child. That is my right and my responsibility to him in my opinion.

But yesterday I was informed that the laws in Kansas have changed and now in order for The Hulk to stay in daycare he must have all his vaccinations caught up. So I met with the health department and voiced my concerns and was told that if I didn't vaccinate him that they could have him removed from daycare. So again I voiced my concerns. Not only did they want me to vaccinate my child against what my mom gut was telling me to do but they wanted me to give him 6 shots at once. Hmmmm that doesn't even make good sense to me. That is too much at once.

So after much debating I agreed to four of the vaccines. So The Hulk had those four. There are two more that they were pretty adamant about but I just refuse to give them to him right now. I won't do it. If you want to know which ones they are you can email me but I think every parent should make there own choices about their child so I don't want to throw it out there.

So basically the plan now is for them to file the request to remove him from daycare. I then have the right to appeal that request. I figure that this process will take a good couple of months. By that time The Hulk will be old enough that I will feel more comfortable giving him the vaccines. If I could somehow push it off till he was two I'd feel more comfortable but I'm willing to move forward at 18 months if push comes to shove.

Amazing that parents really can't make all the medical decisions for their children isn't it. Dang that just ticks me off still!

Clickin Mama

Where Is She

I rarely post about Katie, The Hulk' first mom. Not because she isn't a part of our lives but because I am hesitant to share that story. I never want to put words in The Hulk' mouth or Katie's about their adoption story. I can only tell my version or my story. But Katie is such a large part of our lives while also being absent from them. Not a day goes by that she doesn't cross my mind or stir in my heart. When The Hulk laughs or snuggles into me close I can't help but have her in my mind. How can you not think of the woman that gave you such a sweet child.

We also talk about Katie a lot. I have pictures of her displayed in the house. I want The Hulk to recognize her and know her. I want him to know what a strong and special woman she is. But lately we haven't actually talked to Katie. In fact I don't know where she is. And that weighs very heavy on my heart. I know she is struggling, has been struggling with things I won't go into here. But we have always been able to track her down and touch base. But it's been almost 8 weeks now with no contact. All of my usual resources for finding her haven't worked and I won't lie I'm worried about her.

It's strange to feel so connected to someone yet not know where they are. I pray that Katie will find us again soon. Reconnect and let us know she is okay. I miss her, I worry about her, and I need her in a way few others can understand. So if you have the time to say a little prayer for our Katie please do. We just want her to be safe and happy and healthy. Oh and we want her to come hang out again soon!

Clickin Mama

The Best Day

Today was a wonderful day! Shawn took us all to brunch for Mother's Day and it was delicious. But get this the kids were on perfect behavior! I don't know how it happened but there was NO crying, no whining, no throwing of things, no spilled drinks or food, no fighting, and no blow out diapers. Mattie and The Hulk sat beside each other and played together and laughed. They ate their food and were so so so good! What a wonderful breakfast!

This afternoon we just hung out and relaxed. The Hulk got me a beautiful jacket for Mother's Day. I don't know how he got Aunt Heather the message that I needed it but he did. Thanks for picking that up for him Heather. :-) It was just a great day with my great boy.

Heather got some pics of us together today. So here we are in our Mother's Day glory.








Clickin Mama

Mother's Day Letter

Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there. I hope you have a wonderful day! I'm sure I will. I tend to write The Hulk letters and stick them away for him so one day he will have them. I don't usually share but today I will... Again I hope you all have a fabulous mother's day!

Hey The Hulk-

Happy Mother's Day! It's our second one together! How can that be? Things are just flying by and you are getting so big. When I was growing up my mom, your Grandma Dee, would always get Aunt Heather and I a present for Mother's Day. She always said without us she wouldn't be a mother. I thought she was really silly then but now I get it. Without you I wouldn't be a mother and you are the best gift of all! Oh how I love you!

I was thinking the other night about how much I love being your mom. Watching you grow and loving you is amazing! I also spend a lot of time thinking about how I don't want to screw up! You are too precious to screw up as your mom. But honestly love I'm going to screw up. In fact I already do.

So since we know I can't be perfect I'm just hoping I can be enough for you. I hope I can love you enough, teach you enough, support you enough, and adore you enough to help you become the best man you can be.

The one thing I hope you always remember is that even though I'm not perfect you do have a perfect parent, God. See he knows everything from beginning to end. And nothing surprises God. When I end up shocked by something you do he isn't. He already knew it would happen. When I screw up he won't. He will always provide you with perfect love and support. So on those days that you are fed up with me and my crazy advice or lectures know that he will always listen and guide you.

Alright sweet boy it's almost time for you to wake up. And we have mother's day to spend together. So I'm gonna sign off and go wrap your present.

All my love,

Your Mama

Help A Girl Out

As a single mom I'm pretty good at doing things on my own. I rarely have to ask for help. I can pay the bills, cook the meals, rock the baby, and still find time to blog and take some pictures. I'm really fortunate that I have an "easy" baby and I'm a good multi tasker. But there are those times I and every other mom out there could use some help. And I've noticed a trend that shows that people aren't so great at helping. So let's review the proper etiquette for helping folks with small children.

Hold the door! Seriously! I'm not joking. On a given day I could be lugging a 30 pound baby, my purse, his diaper bag, my camera bag, and a toy, sippy cup, etc. While hauling all of this he is probably pulling my hair or necklace or trying to lunge out of my arms to catch the butterfly that just flew by. Would it kill ya to hold a door open for me?

If You Can't Say Something Nice, Shut the Hell Up! If we are behind you in the line at the grocery store and an adorable baby happens to be having a melt down please don't make comments like, "oh is someone upset" or "why is he crying", or my favorite "your baby is crying". Really? I didn't hear the wailing or notice that he has turned into a pile of screaming writhing jello in the cart. Thanks for pointing this out captain obvious!

So that's what I know... Hold the door and hold your tongue. And smile! Smiling wouldn't kill ya. I promise, my baby doesn't want to inconvenience you or disrupt your day. In fact he is probably just as annoyed with you as you are with him. So just chill and we will get out of your way as quickly as possible!

Clickin Mama

What Is The Difference

I had an interesting conversation with another single mom today. She shared with me how difficult it is for her on occasion to handle the judgement she feels as a single mom. I was blown away by this because I have not had any negative experiences or felt judged while single parenting. But there is a big difference. I'm a single mom through adoption and she is a single mother through birth. The difference is the "sex" issue!

This is so frustrating to me. It saddens me that this friend of mine often feels uncomfortable at church because of the judgement! Of all places she should feel comforted and supported in the church. It is not our place to judge. God does that. Children are never the sin, the mistake, the punishment. Children are a blessing.

I'm fortunate in that prior to adopting The Hulk as a single mom I had months of classes, a home study, financial analysis, etc. I had a plan. And it is still difficult at times! I have so much respect for single women that birth their babies. Often they believe that they will have a partner to assist them, and often the pregnancy is a big surprise. I can't imagine how tough that would be!

I just don't think that any parent should be judged. We are all different. But ultimately parents want the same thing for their children, health and happiness! I'm thinking that instead of judging folks ought to offer to help a single mom out. Sit next to her in church and offer to help with the little ones, offer to babysit so she could go on a walk alone or out to dinner, open the door for her, and most importantly when you see a mom doing a good job, tell her so.

Clickin Mama

Not For Me

Well I'm beginning to think that dating is NOT for me! I was so excited about this date tonight. My friend Dena set me up with her friend J and thought we would have a blast. So I was psyched. I seriously never leave my house other than work, family stuff, picture stuff, church stuff, and The Hulk related activities. So going out to dinner and have hot food that I don't have to cut up into The Hulk size bites, wearing something cute, doing my hair, having someone pay attention to me. WOW that sounded like a good time!

Well it probably would have been if he had showed up! Yes indeed I was stood up! That's a first and hopefully a last. One time experiencing that was plenty. Supposedly his Grandpa is dying and he just couldn't leave him. So he called and told Dena this 10 minutes before our date was supposed to start. So she and her husband showed up to have dinner with me. Which it was a fun time. We laughed a TON, mostly at my expense. But still the food was hot, nothing got spilled on me and Dena's husband held the door open for me.

J did tell Dena that he would like to reschedule with me. I turned down that offer. I'm sorry if his Grandpa really is dying but I had a dying mom and I've had dying grandparents. And those are tough times. Which is exactly why I didn't schedule dates with anyone during that time period. If your Grandpa is at the hospice dying, don't plan a date, and then if you do, don't skip it at the last minute. That shows me that you lack good judgement. So sorry buddy... I can eat alone any day. I'm not waiting on some fool.

So I'll go back to hiding under my rock. And I just wrote myself a little note to have a talk with The Hulk tomorrow about how important it is to not stand girls up.

Clickin Mama

Adopting Again...

Today the social worker from our adoption agency came out to visit. They needed to do our one year follow up visit. And we needed to talk about adoption #2! This is something I've been struggling with so much. When to move forward with the next adoption. But I feel much better after our meeting today.

I was clear with her about where I'm at financially (that's a big piece). I could afford raising two kids now but I'm not prepared yet for the huge adoption fees. I need some time to get my savings built back up. She totally understood that. I did let her know though that if the agency wanted to waive the fees I would be willing to move forward today. She didn't think they would be able to do that. Shocking right!

I was also really clear about where I'm at with the idea of adding a second baby to the mix. The Hulk and I are a good team and it seems a little to early for me to mix it up with another little one. And while The Hulk doesn't have major medical problems I really want to get the whole asthma thing stabilized before I add another in too. We are still fighting with finding the right med combo and I'm still doing treatments every 4 hours. I would just like to make sure he is completely on track before I push forward. The medical stuff is a huge financial piece too. His hospital stay was some bucks!

So after we talked all that out we agreed that we would meet again in December to start on paperwork and creating my profile and working on the home study. By the time all that was ready it would be January/February. She does think that I will match quickly this time around. When I told her I was counting on about a year again she laughed at me and said she would guess 6 months. I guess families are matching quickly right now.

I did at one point have her laughing so hard at me that I thought she was going to pee her pants. The pathetic part was I didn't even mean to make her laugh. We were filling out the profile paperwork and she asked me what races I was open to. I told her that I was open to anything but a white baby. She just looked at me and started laughing! I guess that is an odd answer. I just can't imagine having a white baby now. Nothing against any white babies out there. I love my nieces and they are white. It's just when I think of my family I think of me and my non white children. So that's just us. She can laugh all she wants but it makes sense to me....

So that's the deal... adoption wise!

Clickin Mama

Unknown

Today I filled out an application for The Hulk to get a passport. We are going to be taking a trip and he will need one. And since I had such a horrible passport getting experience we are starting the application process well in advance! I think I have passport PTSD from the last time I applied!

So I was filling out the application and it asked for his mother and fathers information. I filled out mine and left the father information blank because I'm his only legal parent. Well the application wouldn't except that. I either had to fill out the information for father or I had to check the box that says unknown.

That just really bugs me. I don't like checking the unknown box. He doesn't have an unknown father. He just doesn't have a father. It makes it out like I just ran around town and randomly had this baby. It makes it feel yucky to me. I don't like the unknown box. So I'm going to send a little letter to the passport people and ask them to put a box that says "adopted by an amazing single mother who happens to do the mother and father role very well." I might also ask them to put a box that says "my mom isn't a whore" or maybe "I'm not a bastard". Who wants to bet on any of those showing up on the application form.

Clickin Mama

Is He Your Baby?

"Is he your baby?"

"Is that your son?"

"He must look like his father."

"What a cute boy, I bet he looks just like his daddy."

"Who is his Dad?"

"Did you adopt him?"

These are just a few of the questions that I get asked when The Hulk and I are out and about. Awfully personal questions don't ya think? Questions I figured we would get asked occasionally but questions that I dread. Questions that can stop me dead in my tracks and make my stomach turn. Questions that can at times push me to the brink and make me want to scream. Questions that leave me wondering how in the heck to answer them.

Without a doubt The Hulk is my baby. He is my "real" child in every sense of word. I really am the one that can stop the tears, fix the food, do the bed time routine and give the best snuggles. He really is the one boy that can melt my heart and motivate me to be the best person I can be for him. We really are bonded and attached in a way that I can't always describe with words. There is a depth to our relationship that I have only known with two other people in my life, my own mom and my sister.

And yes The Hulk was adopted. I adopted The Hulk in July. There was a court hearing that legalized the act of adoption. However, he is not my adopted son. He is just my son. The adoption was an event it does not define our relationship. He is in no way less real than a child I birthed myself. The process of adopting a child was like a very long pregnancy and that last court hearing was my labor. He is mine and I was blessed that adoption is how he came to me. But I don't define our relationship in terms of that event.

And as far as his father I think he does have one. I think he has a heavenly father. The father that brought him to me and the father that will forever guide his life. Does he have an active Dad in his life. No he doesn't but his relationship with his heavenly father is more powerful and deeper than any earthly relationship could ever be. I may not be able to give him an earthly father but I will forever attempt to build and strengthen his relationship with the one father that really matters.

So those are the answers in my head and in my heart. But those answers are hard to give in grocery stores and gas stations. So I've started coming up with some quick answers to deter people from asking personal questions in the future. Here are my favorite inappropriate responses.

"Is he your baby/is he your son?" Sometimes I say no I just found him on the curb and other times I say no is he your baby? That always stops them dead in their tracks.

"He must look like his dad/who is his dad?" To this I use the response of I'm not sure, I don't remember that night very well. If a man is asking the who is his dad question though I have found that saying don't act like you don't know, I have been waiting for you to claim him for months now works well to get them to walk off.

"Did you adopt him?" I have several responses for this one. I enjoy the no I just picked him up at the cabbage patch response the best though.

While I joke and I'm a bit inappropriate at times I know in my heart that The Hulk was meant to be mine. He is meant to be my son. What other little boy could make my heart so happy and my laugh so loud....



I know lots of you that read this blog have adopted your children. What do you say when people ask personal questions?

Single Parent Tips

I just saw a post on another blog that made me really think about some things. It was a post about time management and trying to get it all done. We all know those people, those mothers that do it all. They are making the baby food, working full time, chairing PTA, have a spotless house, drive the pretty car that is always clean, and volunteer to feed the homeless. You know those people right? Yeah I was gonna be one of those people. I was going to be that mom. That supermom that did it all. And then about 3 months into parenting The Hulk I realized those people don't really exist. You think they do but they don't. And there is no way I can be that person. Do I still try sometimes, you bet I do. Do I still feel guilty that I'm not supermom, of course. But the guilt is lessening. And I've come up with a way to be a good mom and get enough done to feel okay about it. So here are my tips for managing as a single mom...

1. Pick your top three regarding your kids. By this I mean to pick your top three child raising issues. Don't try to do all the wonderful parenting things you read in every magazine. Pick the three that are of the highest priority to you. For me those three things are raising The Hulk and my future children to know Christ, providing him a healthy balanced diet/nutrition, and reading/education. There are a lot of other things that I value greatly and that I strive to do. But these are the top three things I focus on and don't budge on. No matter what at the end of the day I know I've done my best in these three areas. There are days that we hit the bare minimum in all three but I touch on all three each day.

2. Routine, Routine, Routine! I am very scheduled and structured. I tend to do things like a robot. I make my menus on the same day each week, do the grocery shopping on the same day, clean certain rooms of the house on the same day, etc. This saves me from chaos. I can't control the whole world but by keeping a routine it prevents me from having unnecessary chaos. I also apply this routine to The Hulk' care. He gets baths on the same night every week, I always load him and his belongings into the car the same way, etc. That way even on the most busy day I know I'm not leaving something behind.

3. Let it go! I've had to let things go. You know what this house isn't always spotless. Heck it's never spotless. Instead of aiming for perfection I aim for the house being presentable and safe. I rarely let it get to a point that I would be humiliated if someone came over but honestly I'm not willing to give up time doing something with my kid to clean a toilet. Time is precious, dust is not.

4. Let him be a normal kid. This was and continues to be the most difficult thing for me. I feel like as a single mother and as a single mother who adopted I'm watched very closely. I feel like I'm being judged often on how I'm doing as his mom. So I tend to easily get wrapped up in appearances. So I'm trying very hard to let him be normal. Let him go out of the house with food on his shirt, or let him have a meltdown in the Wal-Mart, let him be like every other kid in the world. I'm getting better at this but it's an ongoing struggle.

5. Incorporate activities. I don't like to waste time. And as a single mom I can't count on anyone else to cover for me. So I like to incorporate as many things together as I can. For instance, during bath time we also read bible stories and sing songs. So we have hit two of my top three in one event. He gets a little Jesus and a little reading. Perfection! During meal time I talk to him about the colors of his food, the different textures, I sing songs about silly things, and sometimes now that he is self feeding I'll read to him while he eats. And I always pray with him before I give him his food. So we covered all of the top three! More Jesus in his heart, good healthy food, and some education. That's success to me!

6. Plan ahead. I always try to plan for the week ahead and the day ahead. I plan the weeks meals in advance so I am not left with no idea of what to cook for dinner. I lay out our clothes the night before and pack his diaper bag the night before, etc. This way I'm not rushing around in the morning.

So those are my best tips. I've got other things I do but that's for another day. My time limit on the computer is up for the night...

Clickin Mama