Sweet Max

Sweet Max passed away on Thursday. My heart breaks for Kelci and Kevin. I will never understand why some parents must experience the pain of losing a child. Heartbreaking! If you would like to visit Kelci's blog it can be found at http://thekburks.blogspot.com/ .





This has been a month filled with difficulty for so many people I care about. In the midst of Maxton's struggle a community just a few miles from me was devastated by a tornado. The small town is pretty much destroyed. To see a community in bits and pieces is overwhelming. I've donated supplies and offered to help where I can but wish I could do more. How overwhelmed they all must be.





These things just remind me how powerless we really are. It's amazing how we make plans for the future and stress about the present. When in just a moment it can literally blow away in the wind. It is a great reminder to stay in the moment and enjoy the positive things in life. Who knows when it will change...

May Day

Things are still a bit sad around here. Baby Max is hanging in there but there has been no improvement in his health. I continue to pray for his mom and dad and my sister and their families. I can't imagine the pain they must be feeling.

Being a mom is one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I can't imagine not having my wild man around. One of my favorite parts of parenting is getting to be a kid again myself and relive so many fun memories from my own childhood. So I thought I'd share some of our May Day pics tonight. Only 25 days after the fact!

When I was a kid my mom and I would make May Day baskets to take to Grandma and Grandpa Marks our next door neighbors. They weren't really my grandparents but that's what I called them. We would fill our basket with flowers, little candies, etc. Of course we would ring the bell, run and hide and watch from afar as they were surprised. I loved it!

So this year Hulk and I put together a little May Day bag for our neighbors. We filled it with some honeysuckle from the back yard, candy, and some cool magnets we had made.

Hulk was so excited he could hardly stand it. We ran across the street, knocked on the door, and ran back home. He wasn't to thrilled about the running back home part. He really wanted to go inside and watch them open it. But he thought the bag was pretty awesome.

I can't wait till next year to do it again!

Perspective

You know when things are tough and you think you have it pretty bad then something happens and you realize that really isn't the case. It just puts everything in perspective and you realize that there really is always someone that has it worse that you. Well unfortunately I have been reminded of that this week.

My sister's best friend Kelci had a wonderful little boy 7 weeks ago. Max is a doll and is so darn loved. I had the opportunity to take Kelci's maternity pics and she was so very excited. She enjoyed her maternity leave at home with Max, holding him and spoiling him rotten. And then she went back to work and Max went to the sitter. And then Max quit breathing at the sitter. He was resuscitated but has substantial brain damage and can't breath on his own. His loving parents have some very tough decisions to make in the coming days.

My sister has been at the hospital with them quite a bit and their families are all there. They have a lot of support but this is devastating. I'm so proud of them all! There is no rule book for this kind of thing and no way to know how you will handle it until it happens. They are amazing people. I had the opportunity to see Max yesterday and he is just a doll! He has chubby little legs, a dimple chin, and is just adorable. I gave him a little kiss and told him how loved he was and how proud he makes his mommy and daddy.

And then I came home. And Hulk threw a massive fit and I thanked God he could scream. And today when he colored on the wall I reminded myself how lucky I am that he can see. And when he wanted to make bird feeders I said yes even though I had a lot of other things to do. Because at the end of the day the only that that matters is him. The laundry will be there tomorrow.

Yard Therapy

Something has come over me lately. It's an obsession really. My yard. I've lived in this house for 4 years. The first spring/summer I was here after my mom died all I did was lay in the pool. I paid a guy to mow the yard and then did nothing else. And then the past three spring/summers Hulk was so little it was to much of a hassle to do much with the yard. I planted a few flowers but that was about it.

But this year Hulk is big enough to entertain himself in the yard while I work or he can help me. While everything else in my life seems to be falling apart the yard is what holds me together. I feel like it is the one place I have control. I cut down tree branches and bushes. I pile them and then set them ablaze. I move rocks and build flower beds and feel like I'm laying claim to the land. I pull weeds and plant grass and obsessively water and care for it. I yell at Hulk to get out of the grass and baby it along urging it to grow.

Tonight after the yard was nicely mowed and watered I was pushing Hulk on the swings. He was laughing and the sun was starting to set. I could hear the birds and feel the breeze. And as I looked across the yard at my flowers and bright green well fertilized back yard I felt blessed. It was the first feeling of peace I've had in weeks.

Maybe the yard therapy will pay off after all....

Tornados and Weddings

It's been a busy news week. Horrible natural disasters and a royal wedding! I have only allowed myself to read a few new stories about both. It's these times that I'm a little bit glad I don't have cable anymore. I get too caught up in watching the news and spend way to much time on it. So I've just seen snippets here and there online.

I won't lie though I did love the footage I watched of the royal wedding. It's so silly because I don't really consider myself to be a girlie girl. I was never really into the whole princess thing as a kid. But watching Kate walk down the aisle as a normal girl and then become a princess was pretty cool to me. She looked beautiful and for just a brief moment I really wanted to be a princess too!!!

Thoughts In My Head

So many thoughts in my head... And the bad part is I can't seem to do much with any of them. I'm not sleeping well and Hulk isn't sleeping well. The lack of sleep and the stress means I'm not functioning all that great. So I've resorted to living by way of post it notes. Yes indeed my house and office is now a post it note museum. It's the only way I remember anything! I feel like I did when Hulk was about 6 weeks old and I wasn't sleeping then. Post it notes got me thru that stage, hopefully they can carry me through this one.

I was trying to try all these new techniques and interventions and behavior modifications that I'm learning. But honestly we just need to stabilize. Hulk and I both are overloaded and worn out I think. So the goal now is to just get us back to status quo. We need to get back to a routine that works for us and then add in the new stuff after the meds stabilize and we rest. So my post it notes remind me to cook us something healthy, return library books, order diapers, deliver pictures, and exercise. I figure if we can just get through the daily stuff for awhile we can work on the other stuff later.

And since it's 1 in the morning I better listen to the post it note that tells me to go to bed....

Jess

Garage Sale Finds

I've never been a huge fan of garage sales. Well until recently. I've now become a bit garage sale obsessed. I've found some really awesome things lately and saved myself lots of money! So I thought I'd start sharing my finds with you. This weekend I hit the mother load of garage sales! I'm usually on the hunt for photo props or stuff for Hulk. I hit the jackpot this weekend.

At one garage sale I found the apple basket, vintage radio flyer trike, and the 10 gallon milk jug for $40! The trike and the milk jug are individually worth at least $40. They will make such great photo props! And then I found Hulk a kid lawn mower for $1. That is the best $1 I've spent in awhile. He loves that thing!

So for $41.00 I made out like a bandit!