Monday, December 29, 2008

In My Wildest Dreams

The past few days have been so strange. Things have happened here that I never would have imagined even in my wildest dreams. Things that I shouldn't tell anyone. I should keep them a secret. But I'm not going to. What can I say. I'm a glutton for punishment. I don't mind sharing the strangeness of my life. So here are just a few of the things that I've done that I never thought I would ever ever do.

1. I willingly allowed a baby to get in my bed that was thowing up and pooping like a crazy person. I'm not talking spit up people. Oh no. I'm talking real stinky disgusting throw up! I actually wanted said baby to sleep with me because he was scaring me in his room alone! I welcomed this creature into my bed!

2. I awoke to this baby playing with my hair, pulling it and laughing. I thought he must be all better. But no he was laughing because it must be very funny to try to pull throw up out of someone's hair in the morning.

3. And the warm feeling that I felt on my stomach was not the sun shining through the bedroom window. No that warmth came from the poop that had poured out of the diaper and soaked through his pj bottoms and my t-shirt. Nice!

4. Have you ever tried to shower and get poop and puke off of you while also trying to hold a 25 pound child and get the same gross things out of his fro? If not I wouldn't recommend it. Not a fun experience. Trust me no amount of herbal essence shampoo makes that a relaxing event!

5. Who knew that 2 cans of Lysol and a bottle of bleach would make for a fun Saturday! It used to be a couple bottles of beer and some Jack Daniels. Now cleaning toys, bedding, and well anything a child may touch makes up my weekend!

6. A person really can do 9 loads of laundry in one day and still manage to have clothes that are covered in poop! Explain that!

7. I really can catch vomit in my hands and not mind! I would rather have it on me than on one more stupid outfit! It's easier to wash my hands than it is to get throw up out of an afro puff!

8. The wildest thing of all is that my mom was right. When it's your kid it is different. I didn't gag once during the whole ordeal. I didn't cry. I didn't want to sell him to a gypsy. I just wanted him to get better. Heck I might even let him sleep with me again tonight just to be on the safe side.

Clickin Mama

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Happy Christmas Post

So my last post was pretty much about the crappy Christmas portion of our holiday. But it wasn't all bad. How could it be all bad? Especially when you have this cute little reindeer living at your house!

The Hulk actually was adorable on Christmas day even though he and I both were pretty sick. He thought his cousin Mattie was hilarious opening presents. He gets pretty tickled watching her.

He did tear some paper and as I opened the toys and gave them to him he played with them. But in typical kid fashion he really liked Mattie's new toys. She got lots of kid kitchen things, like fake food and pots and pans. He liked the pans. And Mattie really liked the Retro Riding Rocket that The Hulk got. So they spent a fair amount of time playing with each others things. At least they share.

I got some neat gifts too. I got a cool wallet from my sister Heather and a beautiful necklace that I love! I saw it awhile back and loved it but didn't feel okay about spending the money on myself. So she got it for me and totally surprised me with it! Thanks again Heather!

And most of all I shared the day with the best gift I have ever received. Even though I was sick and even though I was sad I couldn't help but enjoy the time with The Hulk. He may not heal my heart but he sure is a wonderful band-aid.

Clickin Mama

Friday, December 26, 2008


Ugh I've been dreading this post. I wanted to post and tell you all how wonderful our Christmas was. I was going to have a lovely new mom happy baby Christmas post. I was going to tell you all about the joy of Christmas and how the spirit of Christmas just touched my heart. It was going to be a really great happy post. Hmmmm as much as I've tried to muster all that up I just can't do it. Christmas was not so great here....

Christmas Eve service is always my favorite church service of the year. Something about the songs, the candlelight, the message. It's always been my favorite. Until my mom died. But this year it was all going to be good again. I have The Hulk now and because I have him I really thought I'd love Christmas again. Boy what a job to give one little boy. Hey baby, welcome to the world, now fix my heart and heal my grief. He can't crawl, can't control his bladder, and doesn't use real words, but I wanted him to make it all better. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me! Poor kid!

So we go to the service and things are going okay for about 3 minutes. Then I start looking around me at the families. All the moms and their kids. The people that are the same age as Heather and I sitting there in pews with their mom's. The smiling happy families. And you know what starts running through my head. Horrible thoughts. Things like "I wonder why happy girl there doesn't have a dead mom and I do," and "She was never very nice to her kids when we were growing up, why didn't she get the cancer". Boy that is gonna score me great God points right! Wishing the death and cancer upon other families. Super!

So I start praying that God will make the bad thoughts go away and they fade for a minute. And I hold my baby and sing some songs and all is well. We listen to the sermon and pass the offering plate and still no thoughts of dead moms. And then the final song comes. We light the candles and the lights go out. The deaf people start signing and we start singing Silent Night. This is my mom's favorite part. She loved to watch the deaf choir sign this song. And I hold my little baby and I start to cry and I get pissed. Pissed that the lady in front of me has her three adult children with her, two of whom are pregnant. Pissed that she is gonna hold her grandbabies and sing this song and my mom can't. And pissed that my mom couldn't be here. And then I'm pissed that it's been 2 1/2 years and I'm still so desperate for her. Ugh!

So I look over at Heather and she gives me that look. The one that says yeah we got screwed. The one that says she is thinking of dead mom's too. The one that says she can't stand the happy smiling people either. And I know that if I'm getting sent straight to hell at least she is on the bus with me. So I suck up my tears, wipe my eyes, and the lights come back on. Heather then gives me the other look. The one that says get it together or we are gonna get the I'm sorry your mom is dead pity look. So I make sure my makeup is in order, paste on my happiest face and we start to exit. We share or Merry Christmas greetings with all the happy people. We do a good job of faking that we are okay, we are strong, we aren't cursing them all inside. And we usher ourselves to the back.

And that is when I see her. She is so tall and graceful. One of the most beautiful woman that I've ever met in my life. She gives Heather and I the look and we know. She has that same fake smile and the red rimmed eyes. The same smile but the very same hollow sad hating the happy people eyes. And I know that she knows. She acts like she is okay too but I know she isn't and she knows we aren't. She is in our club except she misses her husband who got the cancer too. And instead of running to her and hugging her and having a little club party we do what the club members always do. We smile, we give the nod and we look away. Because if the grieving club members ever stopped to talk the crying would start and never stop. So we nod, say Merry Christmas and move along.

After that joyous night your thinking that Christmas Day would be better right. But I awaken to puke. I'm convinced it's nerves. But no The Hulk and Heather have it too. It's some horrible Christmas virus. It's probably the punishment for all the bad thoughts I've had at church the day before.

So here's to hoping New Year's is better!

Clickin Mama

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Home Sweet Home

Oh thank goodness we made it home! What a day! Our first flight was delayed which left Heather and I running through the airport in Dallas pushing the stroller and dragging our bags like fools to catch our next flight. We just made it! As soon as we got on board they started to taxi. Poor The Hulk wondered what in the heck we were doing. I don't think he has ever experience such a whirlwind of a stroller ride. Unfortately his stroller got left in Dallas. It seems it was forgotten and they flight crew never put it below the plane. Oh well! We were just thrilled that we made our flight and all of our luggage made it home too!

We had a really great vacation but we are so glad to be home. Well kinda glad. The Hulk was excited to see his toys and play and eat and look all around. But he wasn't digging bed time. I think he was a little unsure of sleeping alone again in his own bed. We have been sharing a room so we may have a few days of adjustment ahead of us.

Now I'm left to unpack and sort and straighten up. I also have a Christmas tree to decorate and gifts to wrap. I also have a ton of photos to edit but I haven't had time yet. So here are just a few. I promise I'll post more later.

Clickin Mama

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Christmas Number One

We had our first Christmas celebration of the year today. My step sister Venus, her husband Brian and kids Dalton and Morghan came to my Dad and Cricket's place late last night. Today we all hung out together, opened presents and had a wonderful meal! Very fun day!

The Hulk had never done the present thing before and he did great. He pulled a little of the paper off but he loves the bows and ribbons! That kid got some great gifts from his Pop and Granny but most of all he loved the bows and bags and paper. Typical little kid right. He just rolled around in the paper while the rest of us opened and was a great little guy.

I got some of my favorite perfume, Armani Mania, a new battery for my camera and the willow tree Christmas ornament for this year. Very nice! I really needed that extra battery. And I have heard a horrible rumor that they aren't going to be making the Mania perfume any more so I really needed an extra bottle of that. I'm half tempted to buy up a case of it so I never run out. I love that perfume.

So now the kids are in bed and us adults aren't far behind. We have a big day of fun planned for tomorrow and we all are beat!

Clickin Mama

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Art Adventure

Today we were supposed to go to the botanical gardens. It was supposed to be a lovely warm day perfect for botanical garden visiting. However, that didn't pan out. It seems that the weather man didn't listen to this gal's directions because we woke up to lots of fog and then a downpour! YUCK!!! It didn't sound like fun to take a 9 month old in a stroller to the botanical gardens in the rain. So we went with plan B. The art museum....

So Dad and I loaded up The Hulk and headed for the museum. I was a little nervous about taking a 9 month old to the museum but he did great! There was some really neat pieces of art there. There were several really beautiful pieces of blown glass. One that hung from the ceiling and had 150 seperate pieces of glass all tied together. It was amazing! I wish I could learn how to do that! They also had a very impressive photography display by Texas A&M students who did a study abroad trip in Italy. Some really great photos from their trip.

The museum is right along the bay so there were some great views of the water. I got some pictures of The Hulk and I together. That never happens but my dad is good with my camera so he snapped a few for me. I can't wait to get home and get my pictures up to show you. There was also several really impressive water gardens on the museum grounds. The Hulk loved those. He is just mesmerized by water right now. The sound the way it moves the way it feels. He just loves it!

Tommorow Heather is flying in! Thank goodness! We have missed her! So after we pick her up we are heading to the beach. You know it's going to be a beautiful beach trip kind of day. I told the weather man he better not screw it up two days in a row!

Clickin Mama

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hacked... Off...

Okay I'm seriously hacked off. It seems that someone has hacked into my old wordpress blog. Hacked it like a mad hacker. I can't get any of my old posts, any of my files. NOTHING! It's all gone! And there is some crazy message posted on what used to be my home page. Not cool! Who does crap like that!

So since I can't figure out how to fix it I'm back to blogger baby. Good old reliable blogger. Why did I ever leave? I never got hacked on blogger and it is way easier to load photos on blogger. So here I am and here I will stay. Lesson learned!