I Believe

I believe that when you are good to others they tend to be good to you

I believe if they aren't you should be able to punch them in the face and not get in trouble

I believe more food should be served on sticks

I believe the older I get the less I care about what others think

I believe in ghosts and spirits and things that go bump in the night

I believe in laughing

a lot

mostly at myself

I believe picnics should be a mandatory part of summer

I believe ants at picnics should be banned

I believe in God

I believe exercise and eating right shouldn't be combined

I believe if you eat right you shouldn't have to exercise

I believe moms should have mandatory bedtimes too

I believe I am tired

I believe it is time to say good night

Thank You Intuniv

Making the decision to medicate my toddler was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. It went against every parenting belief I held. But we had run out of options. I was desperate, Hulk was desperate. We were at a point where we couldn't keep moving on like we were. So medication it was.

 

I handed my 3 1/2 year old a little pill called Intuniv. Watched him swallow it and cheered for him being such a big boy. And I said a prayer that it would help him and not hurt him! And help him it has!!! The first few weeks he was pretty sleepy. It took him awhile to adjust to it. But now that he has adjusted it is amazing. Intuniv has given me my son back!

 

These pictures are proof that it has given us our lives back. These pictures are of a silly little boy munching on some crackers at the grocery store. Not a big deal to most people but HUGE for Hulk. He hadn't been able to go in public to a store or a restaurant in months! He would totally freak out and melt down. Now he can go and it's no big deal. I told him when we got done shopping this day how proud I was of him and he said "I proud of me too." He has also told me that his head isn't at loud and he isn't as wiggly. He can notice the change too.

 

Can Intuniv fix it all. Absolutly not! We still work very hard on learning ways to cope and self regulate. We still have behavior modification plans in place. Hulk and I are always learning and trying new things to help him be successful. But Intuniv has given him the chance to calm down enough that he can process and learn those other skills.

I'm not getting paid by Intuniv. I just know when I was considering meds I searched blog after blog and website after website looking for info. If this can help some other desperate parent I hope they find it.

What's Up

Some random tidbits about what is going on at our house.....

I'm doing an online Bible study of the book Hidden Joy. It's a great book and I'm hoping I'll get a lot of "joy" out of it. If you'd like to join in you still can. We just started this week. Head over to http://melissataylor.org/ to get all signed up.

Someone is trying really hard to pee in the potty all the time. I can't wait till this is mastered!

I get to photograph a wedding this weekend and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm hoping the weather is fantastic since it is outdoors.

Since we don't have cable we watch shows on Instant Netflix. Well I should say we watch one show. The Deadliest Catch. Hulk is obsessed with it! He knows all of the captains names and the names of the boats. He is convinced if he goes fishing here in Kansas he will be able to catch Alaskan crabs. I have a feeling he will be disappointed.

I'm eating Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch right now. Not the best choice but I still have 8 ww points left for the day and 3/4 cup of it is only 3 points. Heck I may eat two servings. I'm wild like that on occasion.

Sweet Max

Sweet Max passed away on Thursday. My heart breaks for Kelci and Kevin. I will never understand why some parents must experience the pain of losing a child. Heartbreaking! If you would like to visit Kelci's blog it can be found at http://thekburks.blogspot.com/ .





This has been a month filled with difficulty for so many people I care about. In the midst of Maxton's struggle a community just a few miles from me was devastated by a tornado. The small town is pretty much destroyed. To see a community in bits and pieces is overwhelming. I've donated supplies and offered to help where I can but wish I could do more. How overwhelmed they all must be.





These things just remind me how powerless we really are. It's amazing how we make plans for the future and stress about the present. When in just a moment it can literally blow away in the wind. It is a great reminder to stay in the moment and enjoy the positive things in life. Who knows when it will change...

Perspective

You know when things are tough and you think you have it pretty bad then something happens and you realize that really isn't the case. It just puts everything in perspective and you realize that there really is always someone that has it worse that you. Well unfortunately I have been reminded of that this week.

My sister's best friend Kelci had a wonderful little boy 7 weeks ago. Max is a doll and is so darn loved. I had the opportunity to take Kelci's maternity pics and she was so very excited. She enjoyed her maternity leave at home with Max, holding him and spoiling him rotten. And then she went back to work and Max went to the sitter. And then Max quit breathing at the sitter. He was resuscitated but has substantial brain damage and can't breath on his own. His loving parents have some very tough decisions to make in the coming days.

My sister has been at the hospital with them quite a bit and their families are all there. They have a lot of support but this is devastating. I'm so proud of them all! There is no rule book for this kind of thing and no way to know how you will handle it until it happens. They are amazing people. I had the opportunity to see Max yesterday and he is just a doll! He has chubby little legs, a dimple chin, and is just adorable. I gave him a little kiss and told him how loved he was and how proud he makes his mommy and daddy.

And then I came home. And Hulk threw a massive fit and I thanked God he could scream. And today when he colored on the wall I reminded myself how lucky I am that he can see. And when he wanted to make bird feeders I said yes even though I had a lot of other things to do. Because at the end of the day the only that that matters is him. The laundry will be there tomorrow.

Yard Therapy

Something has come over me lately. It's an obsession really. My yard. I've lived in this house for 4 years. The first spring/summer I was here after my mom died all I did was lay in the pool. I paid a guy to mow the yard and then did nothing else. And then the past three spring/summers Hulk was so little it was to much of a hassle to do much with the yard. I planted a few flowers but that was about it.

But this year Hulk is big enough to entertain himself in the yard while I work or he can help me. While everything else in my life seems to be falling apart the yard is what holds me together. I feel like it is the one place I have control. I cut down tree branches and bushes. I pile them and then set them ablaze. I move rocks and build flower beds and feel like I'm laying claim to the land. I pull weeds and plant grass and obsessively water and care for it. I yell at Hulk to get out of the grass and baby it along urging it to grow.

Tonight after the yard was nicely mowed and watered I was pushing Hulk on the swings. He was laughing and the sun was starting to set. I could hear the birds and feel the breeze. And as I looked across the yard at my flowers and bright green well fertilized back yard I felt blessed. It was the first feeling of peace I've had in weeks.

Maybe the yard therapy will pay off after all....

Thoughts In My Head

So many thoughts in my head... And the bad part is I can't seem to do much with any of them. I'm not sleeping well and Hulk isn't sleeping well. The lack of sleep and the stress means I'm not functioning all that great. So I've resorted to living by way of post it notes. Yes indeed my house and office is now a post it note museum. It's the only way I remember anything! I feel like I did when Hulk was about 6 weeks old and I wasn't sleeping then. Post it notes got me thru that stage, hopefully they can carry me through this one.

I was trying to try all these new techniques and interventions and behavior modifications that I'm learning. But honestly we just need to stabilize. Hulk and I both are overloaded and worn out I think. So the goal now is to just get us back to status quo. We need to get back to a routine that works for us and then add in the new stuff after the meds stabilize and we rest. So my post it notes remind me to cook us something healthy, return library books, order diapers, deliver pictures, and exercise. I figure if we can just get through the daily stuff for awhile we can work on the other stuff later.

And since it's 1 in the morning I better listen to the post it note that tells me to go to bed....

Jess

I Laugh...

I laugh...

When Hulk tells stories...

When I talk to my best friend Darbis...

When my sister and I do things with Hulk that we did as kids...

When I see people fall down...

Everytime I watch an episode of Friends...

At myself...

At stupid jokes...

Often...

Not enough...

At least everyday...

What makes you laugh?

50 Days

For goodness sake it has been 50 days since I've posted! That's crazy. I have so much to tell you. Well I have 50 things to tell you actually. 50 things that I should have probably posted about but well I haven't.

1. Hulk turned 3!


2. Hulk had a very awesome birthday!


3. He got some fun toys and clothes and a very cool bike from Papa and Granny.


4. Hulk still can't peddle his bike but thinks it is very fun to have me and the neighbor kids push him around on his cool bike.


5. I went to a conference in Huntsville Alabama for 5 days and left the man with my good friend Beth and her family.


6. I learned a lot but got very homesick.


7. 5 days is a long time to be away from your sidekick kidlet.


8. He had a fabulous time though.


9. While in Huntsville I went to the space and rocket museum.


10. It was pretty cool and I took some pictures of it.


11. I also took pictures of Hulk's b-day party.


12. I still haven't even downloaded the pictures.


13. I'm overwhelmed with things to do and not enough time.


14. The weather got nice and we spend all of the evening outside now.


15. This is great for burning off all the energy Hulk has.


16. This does not allow me to get things done inside.


17. The house looks a bit like a pit.


18. I'm praying for rain this weekend so I can actually stay indoors and get the house cleaned up.


19. I still haven't completely unpacked from going to Huntsville.


20. I have been home from Huntsville for a week!


21. I've been busy taking pictures for other people.


22. I've edited those pics just not my own.


23. I have Easter mini sessions this weekend.


24. Hulk wants a bunny desperately or a dog.


25. He reminds me often that we need a dog.


26. His teachers and therapist recommend a dog.


27. I'm not sure that I have the energy to keep up with a dog.


28. But I wouldn't mind having a dog either...


29. I made a really cool paint sample mosaic for my wall.


30. I took step by step pictures to share on the blog.


31. Yeah I haven't gotten those edited yet either.


32. I planted grass seed tonight in what used to be a flower bed.


33. I'm trying to simplify and turning a couple flower beds into grassy areas seemed like a good plan.


34. The dang grass better grow.


35. My house flooded again. It's the great flood of 2011!


36. My hot water heater broke and dumped gallons of hot water into the house while I was at work.


37. The same flood restoration crew that worked my flood of 2010 showed up to save the day this year.


38. I'm gonna get new carpet this time around.


39. I am also requesting a new medication for anxiety. :-)


40. You may think I'm joking but I'm not. I seriously want some happy pill that would remove all the anxiety provoking events from my life.


41. Hulk dumped an entire bottle of bath fizz tablets into the toilet. You are only supposed to put 2 in a bath tub. He put 98 in the toilet. That was a freaky fizzing colorful volcanic explosion.


42. Hulk can no longer have bath fizz tablets.


43. Hulk hates his bedroom.


44. I finally got it all decorated and adorable and he hates it.


45. He will sleep anywhere but in his room.


46. He slept in a diapers.com box in the living room one night.


47. The next he slept in the hallway.


48. Tonight he is sleeping on my bedroom floor. I don't understand it!


49. I am promising myself again that I won't go this long without blogging.


50. Don't hold your breath though. I seem to not be a very good blogger anymore....

The View From Here

Snow

 

Snow..

 

Snow...

 

Snow!

 

SNOW!!!!!

We Did It

I'm thrilled to announce that we did it! We actually made it to get Hulk's hair cut before our coupon expired! This mama loves a good deal and a good deal it was. Hulk got his haircut for $4.99. Not only did he get his hair cut but he also got a cool lightening bolt shaved into the side of his hair and he got two suckers! What a steal!

I spent a good part of the day working. Had lots of Valentine Portrait Sessions today. But tomorrow we are heading to the city to see Heather and take Hulk to do something fun. Family days make me very happy! I'm sure I'll have lots of pics to share tomorrow evening or Monday.

Have a super weekend!

ADD

I've got a little adult ADD going on today. I have about a million and one thoughts in my head and can't seem to get any one thing sorted out. So frustrating! I even made a to do list and can't seem to stay focused at all. Since I love to share I'll just share some of the randomness going through my head right now.

I need to get Hulk's hair cut. I have a coupon that is only good till the 6th and I must use it. However I have a million other things to do before the 6th so that might not happen.

I wish I didn't have to get his hair cut. Maybe I could let it grow again and braid it.

I've tried growing it. I never get passed the annoyed stage. Just cut it while you have the coupon....

While I'm out that way I've got to get some different lotion for his face. His face looks like someone sandpapered it. This weather is killer for his skin.

That makes me think of what my sister says "He's a tropical people." He needs some humidity and sunshine. Maybe I should send him to Corpus to visit Granny and Papa for a week. His skin would clear up then.

That reminds me I need to get their Valentine package sent. Where is a box...

Oh crap I forgot to order Hulk's valentine's. I've got to do that!

And it goes on and on and on!

Is your head as full of crap as mine is? I wish I had a pause button...

Snow Day Success

Our snow days were quite successful. I didn't get a single bit done around the house but we stayed busy and entertained and had a lot of fun. So I'll count it as successful. Just promise not to come inspect my floors or laundry piles. YIKES!

Peanut Butter Play Dough was a huge hit with Hulk. He likes regular play dough and he likes to "make" food. So I let him help me make up a batch of the dough and then he got to play with it and eat it. Playing and eating. Two of his favorite things. I also gave him some other things like cereal, pretzels, and coconut to decorate his creations with as well as eat. Big hit!

 

The recipe for peanut butter play dough is pretty simple. In fact it's really simple because I didn't have all the ingredients the recipe called for and we were snowed in so I just created my own...

1 cup peanut butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup milk

Mix all the ingredients together until dough forms. You may have to add a bit more milk or powdered sugar to get the consistency right.

Have fun and eat your treats!

Snow Day

We have one heck of a storm headed our way. At least that is what the weatherman says. I'm not quite sure I believe it. For my blog readers in snowy states like Minnesota and North Dakota our big storm probably seems like a walk in the park. But Kansas doesn't react well to lots of snow. Or well anything more than 3 inches of snow.

Since we react poorly to large amounts of snow and our city doesn't seem to know how to clear roads my office is closed tomorrow and Wednesday! I'm thrilled that I don't have to get out and drive but I'm a little nervous about being stuck inside for a couple more days with just the kidlet and I.

Today I picked up a few supplies to get us through the next couple days. Some craft supplies and what not. I've got a couple games planned and hopefully I can keep him busy and away from the television as much as possible. I get so sick of the tv! Planned activities are a must!

Crafty Kid

 

I've got one crafty kid. Today we worked on Valentine's Cards. He thought that was cool. Anything that involves a sticker is pretty darn great in his book! So he stuck stickers on everything and colored while I cleaned the kitchen and took breaks to cut out more hearts for him. Very productive day for my little crafter. I believe half the state of Kansas will be getting a Valentine made by Hulk.

I also took pictures today. Lots of pictures. Which means that as soon as I'm done typing this post I will be editing pictures... Lots of pictures. I had several really cute kiddos today so I'm hoping I got some great shots. We will see....

Have a super weekend!

Dear Snow

Dear Snow-

I used to love you when I was a kid. But my love affair with you has ended since having a kid of my own. You always tease me and that causes me great pain. I look out the windows and you seem so gentle and beautiful. And then I put my coat on and my kids coat on and we venture out and in no time he is screaming about you freezing his face. So because I'm a nice mom I pick him up and let him bury his frozen face into my neck and I continue to head to the car. But snow you again tease me. You look so soft on the ground but no no you are not! You are really slippery and you make me fall into you in the driveway of the daycare so everyone can see me. The other parents see me about throw my frozen faced toddler into the street as my fat body flies about. Of course I land in the biggest pile of snow there is. My kid falls on top of me and I feel like a turtle stuck on my back in the middle of a blizzard. By the time I finally get myself out of the snow pile and get the kid in the car I'm covered in frozen bits of snow and ice, my coat wasn't fastened so my shirt is soaked and somehow snow has gotten into my bra. The kid is crying, my boobs are frozen and the radio says we are getting 4 more inches of you tonight. Yeah I'm officially over you. So dear snow please go away!

Thanks much!

Excited

I'm excited... I'm happy... Like really happy... Oddly happy...

I don't know how to explain it really. There is no real reason for it. I just finally feel happy again. I finally feel like me again. Like the me I was before my mom got sick. It's odd really. But it's kind of like the fog has lifted. This month is 5 years ago that she got sick. Like really sick. Does it really take 5 years for happy to come back? And should I feel guilty that happy is returning? Because I feel a little guilty.

But mostly I feel happy and excited. Excited about life again and living. Excited about all the cool things going on in my life. Things like Wagoner Photography and the new blog I just lauched. I'm heading into year three of business and I'm excited about the new changes coming. I'm excited to see with a solid business and marketing plan in place what all I can do this year.

I'm excited about how really cool my kid is getting to be. Parenting a toddler is SO much easier than a baby. We have so much fun together now. We have some fun things planned for the coming months and I'm excited to take him places and do things now that he can actually give me some feedback and get excited too.

So life is exciting and happy and just a little bit guilt filled!

Sleep Disturbance

Last night I just could not fall asleep! I tossed and turned and was just wide awake. The last time I looked at the clock it was 1:30. I finally dozed off! Only to have some crazy weird dream that woke me up about 3. Seriously it was weird. Not scary weird. Stupid annoying weird. Ever have one of those dreams. YUCK! So finally about 3:30 I fell back asleep.

Only to be woken up at 5 by someone grabbing my arm. Grabbing my arm really hard. Like I couldn't get away. I was screaming and yanking and couldn't seem to get free. I ended up getting somewhat loose and got the light turned on and came to my senses. It seems my attacker was really myself. I had somehow gotten my arm stuck inside my pillow case and it had fallen asleep so it was really heavy. The more I struggled to get it free the more tangled up it became. Once I quit screaming and realized what was happening I just started laughing. Laughing like a crazy sleep deprived woman.

I didn't even attempt to go back to sleep. I'm praying tonight I don't attack myself and just sleep well....

Christmas Countdown

Thank goodness we are on the final Christmas Countdown! I love Christmas day but I hate the week before Christmas. I have affectionatly dubbed it the week of Christmas chaos. It just seems like the week before Christmas is always super chaotic. And even though I try to not let it I always end up stressed out.

There is just a lot to get down at home this week. Extra baking, arranging back up daycare for the kidlet since daycare is closed, the wrapping, the cleaning, the crap we all do before holidays. But the last part of December is also crazy at work too. There are always presents and food to deliver to folks, finishing up year end reports and numbers, blah blah blah. I shouldn't let it but it does stress me out.

I'll be thrilled when it is all over for another year!

Then There Were Two

Hulk has a biological sister that is 13 months older than he is. Her name is Amara but I'll probably be calling her Firecracker on the blog. Anyways Amara is now staying with us for a bit. Her mama is having some problems right now so we are happy to give her a nice place to stay for a bit. She has an hilarious personality, a ton of energy and a lot of love to share. She and Sylas have hit it off and spend the majority of the day laughing. I'm learning all about "girlie" things and have even allowed pink into the house. Today I found a boa feather on the floor and tripped over a pair of play high heels so I think there is a girl officially in the house! This has been a whirlwind adventure and I'm sure it will continue to be so. I just keep praying for guidance and keep taking it a day at a time.