Monday, August 31, 2009
During our three hour stay at Alltel while attempting to get a new cell phone I did NOT want to throw a huge temper tantrum like The Hulk did. I did NOT want to bang my fists and scream at the top of my lungs! And I did NOT speak to the employees there with a sarcastic tone or shoot daggers at them through my very tired frustrated mom eyes.
At NO point did I use the words shit or damn in front of my toddler this week.
I did NOT at any point say "shit I can't even walk" because there is no way some little person follows me so closely that if I stopped abruptly he may become permanently embeded in my butt!
And since it is NOT possible that about 800 dog treats got scattered across my recently swept kitchen floor there is no way I uttered damn or well just screw me. I am always positive and NEVER annoyed at all.
I did NOT want to kiss the dryer repair man for fixing my dryer. I did NOT do a happy dance and have a laundry party after he left.
What did you NOT do this week?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
I'm struggling some with the meal plan laid out by the nutritionist. It's not the food that is a problem. I don't mind it too much. There have only been a few things I really did not like. It's finding the time to plan and prepare the meals and track them all that I struggle with. It takes me awhile to do but I'm hoping the coming weeks will be easier. I'm just trying to find my groove I guess. It will come it just takes time. I have to fax a list of everything I eat and a calorie break down along with my blood sugar readings one time a week to the nutritionist and endocrinologist. I won't have to do this forever but while they try to regulate my meds it helps them. And honestly it helps keep me accountable.
The exercise piece has been much easier for me to do then I thought. Once the meds kicked in and helped get me out of the "I feel like I'm dying stage" I had no problem doing the working out. I don't love to exercise but I don't hate it. And there is a really nice park with a wonderful walking trail here in town that I have been going to on my lunch break. I like doing it then because it makes me feel better in the afternoon, it helps me relax, and then even if the evening gets crazy at home I have it done.
So I think I'm off to a good start. At least I feel like I'm on the road to recovery if that makes any sense. I do have more hope and I do feel better. I can't wait to see what week two brings. Heck I even lost 8 pounds this week! You can't beat that.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I go to investigate the self esteem destroying discussion and find that the dog is playing with The Hulk' toy vacumn. I guess she bumped it and it just started talking away. Sassy toys I'm telling ya! I had no idea that toys were now designed to not only entertain children but make busy mom's feel like crap. Super!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Seriously even on the worst of days it's never that bad! How could it be when you get to see smiles like that! Such a sweet sweet boy! I'd do anything for him. That includes eating food I don't like, going on walks I don't want to go on, checking my blood sugar all day, giving myself shots, and anything else the doctor tells me to do. I stuck one of the above pictures in my diabetes pack. So every time I check my blood sugar I look at that laughing adorable face. That is the face I want to see every day for the rest of my life. I'll do what I have to for him. He deserves that!
I think back to how hard my mom fought to stay with Heather and I. She didn't want to leave us. She went through tests and chemo and medicine and fought like crazy. If she could do that for us I can do this for him. Nothing I have to do is as rough as that! I'll never forget one of my last good days with her. I was laying on the couch with my head in her lap sobbing. It was kind of our good bye talk a couple weeks before she died. I thanked her for everything she had done for me and apologized for being such a shit to her when I was a teenager. She just ran her hands through my hair and said something I will never forget. "Being your mom and Heather's mom is the best job in the world. I never want it to end". I thought I understood that then but I didn't. Now as I rock my little boy to sleep and run my fingers through his hair I really do understand. Sweet boy I never want this to end!
I'll fight for you, for us, forever!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Well I think we have established that a lot of things are going very wrong for me right now. I would call this a dark time. I think we all have them at some point. You know you have had them too. And I've spent the last few days just trying to come to accept that things are tough and are going to be that way for awhile. There are some things I can do to improve the situation and I'm doing those things. But some of it can only be corrected with time. So I'm trying to accept the darkness while I wait. Think of all the character building this time period will create!
So while I wait in the dark I'm trying to focus on some of the light. I'm hoping that if I change my perspective things won't seem so grim. So while those things going wrong mingle and annoy me in the background my focus is now going to be on those good things. I'm going to just try to find the positive side to the down swing. And I've done some pondering and come up with this.
*** Being so broke has taught me more about stretching a dollar or a quarter or a penny. I have figured out ways to save money I never would have before. It's taught me how to reuse things creatively and never waste a thing. It's also forced me to find some really fun things for The Hulk and I to do together that are FREE! We have found wonderful parks, walking trails, art events, etc that are fun and free. So not all bad.
*** I've learned how to use the items I have in a way to maximize their potential. For example since the dryer is broken I now use my photography backdrop stand as an indoor clothes line! Who would have thought that pricey piece of equipment could be used in such a way. Thinking outside the box is GREAT!
*** Being told that I have nerve damage and could lose my feet someday doesn't have to be a downer! There are several upsides here. Either one I work hard with my doctor to find the right medication and diet to help me and I lose weight and look hot and I'm healthy. That's cool. And if that doesn't work they cut of my feet someday and I get to hop a lot and save money on shoes! I'm all about a bargain!
*** The IRS wants money from me. WHO CARES! Seriously my Dad always said that people can't take things you don't have. So why am I crying over IRS crap. They can't get money I don't have. Get in line folks and I'll just let you have my tax returns for the next couple years.
See things aren't bad! It's all about perspective. I see the light and I'm walking towards it. Let's all just hope it's not the train.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Then I go to the stupid endocrinologist today about my diabetes and left his office sobbing. I have nerve damage in my feet, the beginning stages of kidney failure, and 6 new prescriptions that I can't even afford to get filled. Oh and I just need to diet and exercise. Really?!? I feel so shitty every day that I'm just thrilled to make it through the work day and feed my child before I collapse. If I could exercise I would but when your blood sugar is in the 500 range you tend to feel like you are dying and can hardly move. But I'll get right on that!
And because the last 24 hours was not shitty enough I come home to open my mail and find a letter from the IRS. I owe according to them $10,000 and some change. SUPER!
Does anyone have a gun?????
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Love you Miss Mattie, you come home now!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
I also did NOT trip over said potty chair and wipe out leaving a nice bruise on my leg.
I did NOT cuss the sun for the stupid sun burn I have. I am NOT at all fearful of being outside right now and making the burn worse. I did NOT apply SPF 60 before going out for a photo shoot at 9:00 this morning and then purposely shoot in the shade!
I did NOT lose any brain cells while watching the movie I Love You Man. I am NOT stupider for wasting those 2 hours of my life.
So what did you NOT do this week?
Sunday, August 16, 2009
- Fat people (myself included) should never under any circumstances ride a moped or one of those little street motorcycles.
- Never look directly at the butt crack of a fat person on a moped.
- Always put the toilet seat down!
- Tonka trucks will not flush down a toilet but they will cause it to overflow!
- If you are wearing a dress it will be a very windy day.
- Make sure you wear cute underwear when you wear a dress.
- If you only have $15.00 with you at the Wal-Mart your total will be $16.22.
- If you can't find something blame it on the baby!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
By mid morning this morning I was feeling nauseaus and running a low grade temp. My blistering burn was more pain then I could handle so off to the doctor I went. It seems I have "sun poisoning" not a simple sunburn. I explained that I wore sunscreen with a high SPF and wasn't out long and he said that it is a sign of toxicity from one of my diabetes medications. So he lowered the dosage of that medication, and prescribed me some high power burn ointment, and an antibiotic so infection hopefully won't set in. Due to my diabetes I'm slow to heal so that is always a risk. Damn diabetes!!! Hopefully in a few days I'll feel better.
Enough of the downside of the sun. Let's get back to the fun in the sun boys!!!
Seriously! Who can feel bad when you can look at little faces like these. They may not take all of the burn away but they sure are good medicine!!!
Friday, August 14, 2009
I don't know if maybe the sunscreen was bad but I honestly don't think it was. I think maybe one of the medicines I take must not mix with the sun. I have checked them all out and none of the side effects say that but there had to have been something else going on. I've never in my life had a sunburn like this. I've done the aloe spray, aloe lotion, apple cider vinegar, etc. And still the fire pain continues. There are parts of my skin that are even a purply color. Lord I hurt! Has anyone ever heard of such a thing????
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Today The Hulk and I are standing in line at the gas station to pay and this man walks in wearing no shirt. First this tells me he can't read because the sign clearly says "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service". But anyways he comes walking in shirtless and stands beside us. I can't help but notice his nipples are pierced. And I'm not talking he has a little stud earring in his nipples. Oh no they are HUGE rings. They looked like the big rings that you would put in a bull's nose. Freaky large nipple rings. The throw up is starting to climb up my throat.
Then he starts to talk to The Hulk. Nice nipple ring man is talking to my baby. And The Hulk loves nipple ring man. He is laughing and clapping and waving at him. I pinch his leg hoping it makes him stop but no no The Hulk and nipple ring man are having a moment! And then it happens. The Hulk lunges for nipple ring man and grasps the only thing he can. The nipple ring!!! Throw up now fills my mouth. Super my baby boy has now touched a nipple ring! For the love of all that is good and holy why is this happening!!!
So I jerk The Hulk back and yell no at him. Nipple ring man yelps in pain. I throw my $20 on the counter and walk out. Freak show has ended now folks so please look away. I put The Hulk in the car and drive home quickly. And yes I did bathe him in bleach just to make sure he would be clean again.
So really why nipple rings???
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Did you try adoptive nursing with The Hulk or only do bottle feeding?
The Hulk was completely bottle fed and that worked for us. I really wanted to try adoptive nursing and maybe in the future I will. But The Hulk' adoption came as such a surprise that I didn't' really have enough notice to start on the necessary medication. Maybe I'll have this opportunity with adoption number 2.
You don't talk about your parents much, are they involved in your life?
My mom died September 2, 2006. Prior to that she was very involved in my life. I have a whole section of my blog labeled mom that talks about her or my issues surrounding her death. You can also visit my old blog
Hunna's Happenings for more about my mama.
My dad and step mom don't live close by so we don't get to see them often. We do talk on the phone regularly and visit when we can. I wish they lived closer (hint hint) but right now that just isn't an option.
Who helps you with The Hulk since he doesn't have a dad?
I'm lucky to have the people in my life that I do. My best friend Darby and her wonderful husband Chris are my biggest supporters locally. They are the ones that help with The Hulk the most. They keep him when I have to travel and help me out a lot when I'm in a bind with daycare or just life. They are his God Parents and I wouldn't have it any other way! If I can't be with The Hulk I prefer that he is with them or my sister.
My sister Heather is also a big help with The Hulk. Though she lives out of town she comes home a couple times a month to visit and hang out. She is a great help and a huge support! The Hulk adores Aunt Heather and she is so much fun to have around.
What do you feed The Hulk for snacks?
I honestly treat The Hulk' snack time like I do mealtimes. I try to avoid giving him packaged "snack type foods". We do lots of fruit, veggies, and beans. He loves my snack mix that I make using dried fruit and fiber one cereal. When we are out and about and it's time for a snack I try to have dried fruit with us. He does love cheese crackers and goldfish so he gets those from time to time. He also loves graham crackers so sometimes I let him have those with a little bit of apple butter on them. Delicious!
Did you get your financial situation straightened out?
Ugh yes and no. I'm out of serious danger right now but I'm not comfortable at all with our financial situation. I don't like debt, I don't like not having enough in savings, I don't like not knowing where the money is coming from and when. So I'm not comfortable right now. But I have a plan. I have a huge garage sale coming up. I also have some big items to sell on Craigslist or Ebay and I have a couple big photo sessions coming up. I'm also trying to get some different plan arranged in regards to my student loans. Right now one whole paycheck a month is going towards student loans that that just isn't working... So hopefully that will help me to feel a little more comfortable. However, winning the lottery sounds great too!
So that's what I've got answered so far. I of course have more to answer but I will conquer those another day.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
So as usual Darby, Chris, Caden, The Hulk and I met Darby's parents and her niece at the fair. After explaining to the children that they must stay right beside us and that they could not talk to any weird carnival workers we bought our bracelets/tickets. Dear God it's expensive to ride rides!
The kids had a blast riding all the rides. So much of a blast that I got brave and convinced Chris to ride the Spider with me. I haven't been on a carnival ride since high school and now I remember why! My stomach wasn't to thrilled with my decision making but I did laugh like crazy!
After riding the rides we got our delicious funnel cakes! They were still as good as last year. Gosh I love those things. And then we wrangled the tired kiddos on home. It really was a lot of fun at the fair!
Monday, August 10, 2009
I also did NOT cry a little bit when I watched Darby's sonogram and saw two healthy babies wiggling around on the screen.
I did NOT put my little boy in the bathtub and let him finger paint today. I did NOT use the tub as the art studio to facilitate easy clean up.
I did NOT eat sunflower seeds and a glass of milk for dinner. That would NOT be a balanced meal.
I did NOT think I was going to die in the heat yesterday taking pictures. I did NOT come home and stand in a freezing cold shower for 20 minutes to cool off. I also did NOT take a bottle of water into the shower with me to drink.
What did you NOT do this week?
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
And the other night we were riding in the car together and I looked over and saw this. The Hulk had reached over to hold onto Caden. He just can't seem to ever get close enough to him. And luckily I had my camera and snapped these shots. And my heart swelled. I couldn't help but think how very blessed we are to live now rather than 50 years ago. My little man and Caden would have never been in the same car together back then let alone touched or loved one another.
I'm no Pollyanna. I know we still have leaps and bounds to go when it comes to race relations and discrimination. But I know for a fact big progress has been made. And I can't help but believe that these two little boys and their love for one another will make a difference. I have to believe that friendship, respect, and love will be the only way we continue to break through barriers and make progress. So boys keep holding on. I have a feeling the future will be very bright for the two of you!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
As I've blogged about before I'm very leery of vaccinations. I'm not opposed to vaccinations. In fact I think that vaccinations are responsible for preventing the spread of very deadly illnesses. However, I am very much opposed to the vaccination schedule currently used for our children. And I'm incredibly opposed to giving numerous vaccinations at once. And I get downright angry about being forced or manipulated into having to "obey" the vaccination schedule that I feel could be harmful to my child. As a parent I should be able to make all medical decision about my own child. That is my right and my responsibility to him in my opinion.
But yesterday I was informed that the laws in Kansas have changed and now in order for The Hulk to stay in daycare he must have all his vaccinations caught up. So I met with the health department and voiced my concerns and was told that if I didn't vaccinate him that they could have him removed from daycare. So again I voiced my concerns. Not only did they want me to vaccinate my child against what my mom gut was telling me to do but they wanted me to give him 6 shots at once. Hmmmm that doesn't even make good sense to me. That is too much at once.
So after much debating I agreed to four of the vaccines. So The Hulk had those four. There are two more that they were pretty adamant about but I just refuse to give them to him right now. I won't do it. If you want to know which ones they are you can email me but I think every parent should make there own choices about their child so I don't want to throw it out there.
So basically the plan now is for them to file the request to remove him from daycare. I then have the right to appeal that request. I figure that this process will take a good couple of months. By that time The Hulk will be old enough that I will feel more comfortable giving him the vaccines. If I could somehow push it off till he was two I'd feel more comfortable but I'm willing to move forward at 18 months if push comes to shove.
Amazing that parents really can't make all the medical decisions for their children isn't it. Dang that just ticks me off still!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
... I would frame all my favorite pictures and make my house my own art gallery...
... I would live somewhere that stayed 78 degrees year round with no humidity...
... I would go on a space shuttle just to see the earth from space...
... I would watch the sunrise and sunset every day of the week...
... I would get my nose pierced...
... I would take a train trip with The Hulk through the mountains...
... I would eat what I want when I want and not care about it...
... I would have a house full of kids and laughter...
What would you do if you could do anything you wanted?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Watching Lisa Ling speak about her sister these past fews months has broke my heart. I know how I love my Heather and I can't imagine not being able to help her when she needed me most. Lisa has spoken so diplomatically and handled this with such grace. I don't know if I could do that. I would want to just scream at the top of my lungs "Let my sister go". But she pushed forward and advocated for her sister and Euna in a way that I believe ultimately helped facilitate their release. Impressive and inspiring in my book!
So welcome home girls! I can't wait to hear your story!!!
Monday, August 3, 2009
I did NOT hear an odd sound coming from the washing machine and upon inspection I did NOT find rocks in it. I don't make it a habit of washing rocks and I'm sure my little boy would never put rocks in his pocket.
I also did NOT find a child sized tennis shoe in the kitchen drawer placed neatly beside the Ziploc baggies. Hmmmmm
After searching high and low for my car keys on Wednesday morning I did NOT find them in the refrigerator. I did NOT place them there when I grabbed The Hulk' cup out of the fridge.
I did NOT attempt to do the 30 Day Shred workout by Jillian Michaels. If I did that I did NOT end up laying on the floor in the fetal position crying like a sissy!
What did you NOT do this week????
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Actually we spent most of the weekend outside either at the zoo or park or just playing in the yard. The Hulk loves the garden hose all of a sudden and filling buckets with water and dumping them on himself is cheap entertainment. Well I think it is... I'll let you know when the water bill comes... I love all this outside wild boy play for two reasons. The first being that is adorable wild messy fun. The second being that it wears him out! Which means when we do come inside he takes a nice long nap so mama can edit pictures. Now that's fabulous in my book!