Saturday, April 16, 2011

A Confession

So I have a confession to make. I was really busy and that is a big part of why I didn't post for so long. But the main reason was because when I blog it forces me to be honest and real about the things going on in my life. And like most people when things aren't going great I would much rather pull the wool over my eyes and hide from it rather than admit there is a problem. But there was/is a big problem. You see I have an adorable amazing 3 year old boy that is in crisis.

Hulk has been struggling with lots of different things for quite some time. But for about the last 6 months things have been very rough. And for the last 6 weeks things have been downright difficult. I've tried doctors and behavior plans, therapists and prayers, and yet nothing was working. Wednesday night I found myself laying on my couch sobbing and seriously wondering if we could continue on like this. So I finally admitted it. To my sister, to my best friend, to myself. Something had to change immediately!

So Thursday and Friday was spent in much discussion with Hulk's therapist and doctor. And I finally allowed myself to really hear what they were saying and I'm allowing myself to accept the truth. My precious boy has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I stood in the doctors office with him and my Darbis and bawled as it sunk in. FAS isn't fixable and it is something I never wanted him to have! But he does and he will and luckily we are getting help. Admitting the problem is half the battle right????

So I let myself feel sorry for him and I yesterday. And this morning we started on a new positive plan. He began medication today to help with his impulsivity and constant movement. I'm still a little nervous about that but we actually ate dinner tonight and when we got done he said "wow mama no wiggles". I cried happy tears and he declared himself awesome. He is awesome! And we are going to to be awesome together.

That's the truth of it.


Missy said...

I am sorry you are having to deal with can't be easy...I hope you continue to use your blog and talk about it if needed...maybe there are some other out there who are or have been in the same boat as you and can give you advice or just some positive words even.

You are and will continue to be the best parent to and for your little boy..I have faith you will both learn to make the best of this.

Theresa said...

He is a precious little boy and he's so lucky to have you for his momma! Hang in there....things will get better.

jodilee0123 said...

So, I'm connecting you with this blogger:

You don't have to feel alone or ashamed. I know it is difficult and so do many others. I think you will find great comfort and peace by being connected to others dealing with the same thing.

Melba said...

I'm sorry too, that is so hard. I'm glad things are onto a more positive track now, I hope the medicine continues to help him.


Julie said...

Jessie, that was so incredibly brave of you. I am here and I am listening.

Mom of 5 said...

I found you round about through other blogs, and I just want to say "Hello, my son has FAS too". It is hard, and he is beautiful, and I am exhausted, and I love him to pieces...and today was a bad today, but tomorrow will probably be better. I have to honestly take each day at a time, and rejoice in the good....b/c the future and bad can be so overwhelming, and when I let myself "go there" it overshadows the good...and there is so much good in being that little boy's momma. I know without a doubt he is my blessing from God, and I was meant to be his momma.

Hang in there...I think that the days I have admitted defeat, said it was hard, and I couldn't do this anymore....the Lord has been right there to pick me back up. I believe he needs us to admit that, so that he can show us that indeed, we have to lean on him to do this.