Eight

In just a couple of weeks it will be four years since my mom died. I try to wrap my mind around that and I just can't. Four years! That's a long time to go without seeing someone you love so very much. It's overwhelming to even think about at times. Four years! That's a lot of missed days, missed moments, missed life.

I was thinking this evening about the pain scale they use at hospitals. You know the one where they ask on a scale of one to ten with one being no pain and ten being the worst pain what would you rate your pain. If someone asked me to do that for the pain I feel over my mom's death I would still rate it an eight.

When you are in the hospital the goal is to never let your pain exceed a five. So how do I function at an eight every day. My eight isn't what I feel on a bad day. I have an eight all the time! How can you live at an eight? Do I live at an eight? I know I'm alive but am I really living? There are so many days that I still drift through in a fog. I know that there are moments every day that I watch my little guy and feel pure joy. But then there is still always that huge empty spot that is a throbbing eight.

Maybe eight will be my magic number forever. Maybe this pain never goes away. Maybe I will just learn eventually how to survive better than I have so far. I suppose this is all part of the journey. I can't help but wonder what kind of person I would be if my mom was still here. I have a feeling life would be quite a bit brighter, more fun, and not quite so painful...

National Night Out!

Last Saturday we celebrated National Night Out with our neighbors. If your community doesn't celebrate National Night Out you should. It was so much fun. Basically it is a national initiative organized by police departments around the country to encourage neighbors to get to know one another. The idea being that if you know your neighbors you are more likely to recognize when someone is around that shouldn't be. And it also makes you more likely to communicate with one another, watch out for one another, and hopefully reduce crime rates.

That may be the overall goal of National Night Out but it actually is just a really fun excuse to have a party with your neighbors. We had a blast! We had lots of food and root beer floats. The police department stopped by to visit with us all. The fire department brought a fire truck and ambulance for the kids to check out. They thought that was pretty cool. We had music and dancing. Lots of laughing and of course lots of sweating. It was hotter than heck out there! It was really nice to meet everyone, visit, spend time watching the kids play, and just having fun. I can't wait to do it again soon!

Some Other Things I Say...

"Can you please not climb on the table."

"Seriously I mean get the heck off the table!"

"Wow that is a whole lot of post it notes you put on the couch."

"I know you want more grapes but you have to eat something else."

"Because if you eat any more grapes you will poop a whole lot."

"Because grapes make lots of poop I guess."

"That's just how god made them, grapes make you poop."

"We aren't going to talk about the grapes anymore, no more talk about poop either, you can have a cheese stick."

"Why is your diaper off."

"I'm sorry your pinus is weally hot. But we don't just take our diaper off."

"Yes I would love to give you more hugs."

Every Little Piece

Oh how I love every little piece of this kid!

Pouty lips

Big brown eyes

Caramel delight skin

Kinky soft delicious curls

Chubby fingers

Silly toes

Bug bitten

bruise covered boy

My sweet and sleepy Sylas K!

We Are Alive

We are alive! And we are learning to ride "bikes". Since it is hotter than Africa here we ride "bikes" outside for about 10 minutes and then ride "bikes" inside the rest of the time. Thank God for tile floors. It cracks me up but Hulk says over and over "bikes now".

 

 

 

Zinnia

These beautiful zinnias are growing in my flower bed. They are mixed in with about a million and one weeds. But they are thriving. They haven't been choked out yet. That alone is impressive to me. They also impress me because they are my mom's. Every year my mom would plant them and every year she would save the seeds for the following year. So these plants come from her seed.



Every day when I walk past them on the way to and from the car or mailbox I think of her. I remember how she used to care for them. I can promise you she took much better care of them than I did. She actually weeded her flower beds and watered on a regular basis.




And while they bring many good memories about her to the front of my mind they also make me miss her. But heck what doesn't make me miss her! I just wish she was hear. I wouldn't even mind if she griped at me for not taking care of my flower beds...

Why Buy Toys

My kid probably has several hundreds of dollars worth of toys. He has books, balls, dinosaurs galore. There are trucks and trains and automobiles. Some play music and others light up. But the most fun of all is had in a box!

Yes it is true! This kid would play in a box for hours. In fact this weekend my sister and I gave him a box and it kept him occupied for quite some time. He laughed like crazy tipping over in it. But most of all he used that imagination of his. I love that!