The Truth Of The Matter

I'm incredibly overwhelmed... and incredibly tired...

I'm so frustrated with the lack of money and pile of bills....

I'm humiliated that I have to ask my family for help just to get by...

I dream of being able to be proud of myself again...

I want so much more and I don't mean stuff... I mean security....

When I don't feel good about me it's hard to blog...

It's also hard to blog when you don't have money to pay your internet bill...

I cry quite a bit and pray frequently...

I believe that through this pain good things will happen...

I know I'm growing...

I adore my little boy...

He makes me laugh every day and is the reason I am trying so hard...

I'm so grateful that he is oblivious to the situation we are in...

It brings me great joy to know that his life consists of music, kisses, hugs, laughter, dancing, snuggles and of course his adored Melmo... I pray that is always enough!

It humbles me to take clothes from fellow bloggers to clothe my child... But it bouys my spirit to know that strangers care so much for us that they would help in that way...

I thank God for every moment I have with The Hulk...

I can't imagine life without him...

I am scared that winter is fast approaching and that means the heating bills will climb...

I'm grateful I live in a house with heat...

I know we can't keep living this way...

I've been applying for jobs all over the country that pay more than what I make now...

The idea of leaving my Darby makes me cry and terrifies me...

But the idea of staying here and living like this forever terrifies me too...

I hate being honest about how I really feel...

I hate asking for help...

I hate that I'm in this situation!!!

But things could be worse....

I have much to be thankful for...

My sweet sweet boy...

My helpful and prayerful family...

A home...

Food...

God...

So that's the truth of the matter...