Not that long ago I wrote this post about illegal adoptions. I was angry that anyone would attempt to damage the international adoption process. People probably think I'm crazy for getting so wrapped up in this but it's an issue that means more to me than anyone could probably know. Adoption is a serious topic for me! So unfortunately you get to hear another rant from mama bear!
Friday a family from the United States put their 7 year old child on an airplane with a note and sent him back to Russia. According to the family he was violent and threatening to kill the family. So they sent him back!?! There are so many things wrong with this situation that I could scream. So let's just dive in.
1. The child probably was having violent behaviors and difficulties adjusting. When you adopt older children your agency educates you on the possibility of this occurring. Older children have often been abused or neglected while waiting for their forever family. They have often experienced treatment worse than we could imagine. So psychological problems should be expected and their should be a plan in place to address them.
2. If a family wants an adoption dissolved it is not something to be taken lightly. I'm not saying this family took that decision lightly it just appears that they did not follow the proper channels to make that occur. They should have been in contact with their home agency. Through that agency they could have accessed mental health support, respite care, and even found another adoptive family if all attempts to save their family failed.
3. Who the hell puts a 7 year old on an international flight ALONE! The family has said that a stewardess was watching him and that they paid someone $200 to transport him when they got to Russia. Seriously!?! Okay a stewardess can't watch a child all the time. And paying someone to transport him that you found over the internet is so unsafe. What if it was a predator or the person you actually paid to drive the child sold him into child slavery (yes this is happening all the time!).
4. Making poor choices like this can bring ALL international adoptions to a halt. This one family put their emotions and desires ahead of thousands of other families and children. When you adopt a child you are automatically in the "adoption club". It doesn't mean you have to be a perfect parent but it means you have to be responsible and represent the adoption process well. That one very poor choice could have incredibly damaging affects on so many families and that makes me very very angry!
So to summarize. If you adopt an older child they could have problems, if you can't handle the problems get some help, if that doesn't work follow the appropriate channels for getting your child help or a new family. At no point in time should you put your child on a plane alone with a note and send them back to Russia or any other country. If you do some you will be branded by me the DUMBEST ADOPTIVE FAMILY EVER!!!!