Thursday, July 30, 2009

Overwhelmed

Okay folks this girl has to vent a little. I'm feeling so very overwhelmed! I don't want to have a pity party but I really think I'll feel better if I just get all this out and try to put it in perspective a little bit. I just feel like I have a lot on my plate and I'm really having a hard time prioritizing and coming up with a plan to manage. So after your read through this if you have advice please share it. I'm all ears. These are the things I have on my plate that I can't seem to balance.

Work... I like my 40 hour a week job but I don't make anywhere near enough money to get all the bills paid. So that is obviously bothersome. I'm short close to $500 a month if I were to just live off of my work salary. And there are some other stressors about my job that weigh on me but I'm not really going to get into that here...

Photography Business.... Since I don't make enough at Job # 1 I am working right around 20 hours a week at my own photography business. Feel free to check it out and schedule a session. I love taking pictures, editing pictures, and all the other aspects of my business. But I hate that it is taking up so much of my time. I wish that I could just take pictures and not mess with a "real" job.

Diabetes... My diabetes kicks my ass. I won't lie most days I feel horrible. Usually by 3:00 in the afternoon I'm praying that I make it through the day at work. And when I go to bed at night I pray that God will let me wake up. I'm not well and I know that! That terrifies me. And I've been trying really really hard to get it under control. I have started using sparkpeople to track my food and carb count, I check my blood sugar like I'm supposed to and take my meds as prescribed. I did have one day this week where my blood sugar was normal so I'm making progress but it's a lot to keep up with. Trying to fit in the time to cook like I need to and work out while working 60 hours a week and caring for The Hulk is a lot to manage.

So in trying to balance those things there are lots and lots of things not getting done. My yard is a mess and I'm actually embarassed by it. The house is clean but not clean the way I want it. Even with working both jobs and writing for eHow I still don't make enough money. Since we had big medical bills this month I honestly don't even know how I'm paying the house payment this month and it's due on the
1st! How scary is that....

I'm just at the point where I don't know what to do. A huge part of me wants to throw in the towel and say screw this all and just curl up in a ball and quit. Then the other part of me says no somehow I'll figure this out. Somehow I'll come up with a plan. I always do. I keep praying that God will guide me, show me how to handle this, or provide a different job opportunity that pays more. I'm just tired and I don't feel good and I wish it was different...

So sorry I'm a downer. I just had to get it out... I know that tomorrow will be better. Well I think tomorrow will be better...

Clickin Mama

3 comments:

Melba said...

Hey Clickin Mama,

Well Girl, you have A LOT on your plate!! I can relate to the photography business, because I did that for quite a time but never truly successfully made a name for myself.

But you are doing it all, and that would drain anyone! Mom...Dad...working two jobs, and still not enough money. I can understand why you're so stressed and overwhelmed, and in no way do I think you're feeling sorry for yourself!

As for your diabetes, my husband deals with that too, and it is hard. He uses traineo at www.traineodotcom, and that really helps him keep up with things, and stay motivated. You should check it out. I really think that slow and steady wins the race in this regard, but it is a constant struggle to stay on top of everything you're supposed to be doing, esp. when you're as busy as you are. I totally get it. Small steps help a lot...even if you only do one better thing in any given day, that's better than nothing! For me, keeping and forcing myself to update a food diary has been one of the very best weight loss and health management tools I've ever used.

Hang in there...no one can do everything by themselves, so don't be too hard on yourself. Have you considered looking into a support group in your area? Yeah...that would be adding one more thing to your schedule, but it might really help to have someone who is in a similar situation with whom you can relate.

You are in my prayers,

Melba

jodilee0123 said...

I think everyone is feeling the pinch lately. Is there anything you can let go of on ebay or craigslist? I tend to start purging when I'm feeling broke. We are going to try to have a garage sale--but I can't do it alone with two kids and I know it is next to impossible to do it all by yourself. Hang in there. . .

"Well I will walk by faith, even if I can not see." Jeremy Camp--I always say that over and over and over when I'm feeling chaotic. It seems to help to remember that God is out there.

Gina said...

Clickin Mama, bless your heart! you've got alot on your plate to say the least. i wish i had some magical answers for you but unfortunately i don't. but i was thinking: have you tried to get a roommate (or even want a roommate) to help with the bills?? that's always an option... even if just temporary (for 6 months).

you will be in my prayers that all works out for you. please keep your chin up and know many people are thinking of and praying for you. take care and god bless.