Last weekend The Hulk and I took a road trip to attend my sister's best friend's wedding. Whew that was a mouth full! Anyways, Kelci's wedding was 3 hours from our home. So the closer we got to our destination the worse I had to go to the bathroom. But I didn't want to stop with The Hulk because it is just a hassle. So I text my sister to tell her we are 10 minutes away and ask where to meet her. I'm thinking to myself that I can't wait to hand him off to her and run for the bathroom. Well she informs me that they are in another small town about 15 miles away and to just meet them at the church for the rehearsal. She also informs me there are lots of parks to take The Hulk too to kill some time. Super! I really have to pee!
So I decide I can't wait any longer and we stop at a McDonald's as soon as we get to town. I take the wiggly toddler into the handicap stall with me and this is what went down....
Me: The Hulk mommy has to go potty. You need to stand right there and not move.
The Hulk: No no! He begins to attempt to crawl under the door.
Me: I grab The Hulk and pull him back from under the door. The Hulk you can't crawl on the floor. Just stand right there for one minute.
The Hulk: Wat Dat as he begins to pull the toilet paper off the roll.
Me: Using my firm voice now. The Hulk seriously stop touching things. No No!
The Hulk: Wat Dat as he begins to play with the trash can that I know is covered in poop germs!
Me: I grab The Hulk up and hold his wiggling kicking body under one arm while I hover over the toilet peeing because you know you can't sit down.
The Hulk: Begins to scream and cry. Using his most pathetic shriek that could only mean that a troll has rammed a bamboo shoot under his fingernails. He kicks harder I try to hover. I begin to sway. I yell at him to quit it.
And then I hear it. The shrill little old lady voice. "Is everything alright in there?"
Me: It's super thanks for asking!
Seriously who asks that. Does it sound like things are okay. I have three hours worth of pee that I'm trying to hover over a toilet and release, a kid that is acting like a crackhead and has now bit down on my arm in an attempt to be released, and in the midst of it all I just lost my balance and peed on my shoe!!!
YES IT'S SUPER!!!!