Tuesday, March 30, 2010


You know I like gum. I like to chew gum sometimes. I like the taste of gum. Gum can be our friend. But there are some problems with gum. Several problems really. And as much as I enjoy gum the problems of gum seem to outweigh the joy of gum. So I'm thinking that maybe just maybe gum should be eliminated from my life completely. And because you all probably think I'm over reacting I should give you examples. Because it's not an over reaction gum elimination must occur!

1. I'm a fat kid. Always have been and I'm guessing I always will be. And fat kid mentality doesn't mix well with gum. For you skinny people out there let me explain. Fat kids know that whatever goes in our mouths is for eating. It is just the law of fat kid land. So gum can be problematic. See fat kids like me start chewing gum. We chew and chew and chew and then after a while a thought crosses our mind. Something like hey where did my gum go. And sure enough the fat kid in us just swallowed that gum because anything you chew must be eaten in fat kid land. Not good on the tummy friends!

2. Gum finds my shoes! In fact at least one time EVERY week I step in gum. I watch out for gum even and still step in it. I haven't walked with my head up since 1994 because I'm on the lookout for gum and yet I still have gum stuck to my shoes. And the worst is when it is a hot summer day and the gum is kinda melted and you step in it and have flip and flops on and the flip and flops slide on the gum and some of the melty chewed on gum from some random stranger is not only on your flip and flop but also stuck on your flesh. Yes that is the worst and really sends me over the edge!

3. My kid has an afro puff. As you can imagine gum and an afro puff should never be combined. But last night we came home from a birthday party and I was putting Hulk in bed and I went to kiss that little afro puff good night and what is in it? GUM!!! How gum got into the afro puff I do not know. And just to help other afro puffing parents out the whole peanut butter/ice gum remover rumor is a bunch of crap. The only thing that gets gum out of an afro puff is scissors.

So gum has officially been eliminated from our lives and household!

No gum allowed!

And if you give my kid gum I seriously may punch you in the eye.

Just to warn ya.

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