Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Letting Go

Today I did it. I took a really big step in letting go. I actually took down the last calendar in this house. It was hanging in the laundry room and was stuck at September 2006. The month my mom died. See it's odd but I could never take down the calenders. I have kept them all up and never turned the page. September 2006 on every calender. I just couldn't let go of them. But the Realtor seemed to think that outdated calenders didn't look so good. So down they came. And I let go.

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As I took that last calendar down I realized something. The reason that I couldn't take the calenders down was simply my unwillingness to move forward. My mom's life stopped in September of 2006 and in many ways so did mine. Yes I've kept working, I had a child, and I've built a business. I have dined on many meals, laughed with my friends and family, and watched seasons pass. But a huge piece of my heart is forever in September 2006. A huge portion of who I used to be. See when Heather and I laid in bed beside our mom as she died a big part of us died too. And the part of us that lived struggles every day with turning the page on the calenders of our new life. How do we do that without losing more of her. It's an ongoing struggle.

I know that putting the calender away won't solve that problem. But it's a step in the right direction. Three and a half years later I'm learning to live again. I'm learning how to build a new life. And I'm turning that page.

Progress I suppose....

1 comment:

Melba said...

Wow, huge step! Seems brave to me that you were able to do it...hopefully your release will result in a quick and carefree sale of your home!