Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Is He Your Baby?

"Is he your baby?"

"Is that your son?"

"He must look like his father."

"What a cute boy, I bet he looks just like his daddy."

"Who is his Dad?"

"Did you adopt him?"

These are just a few of the questions that I get asked when The Hulk and I are out and about. Awfully personal questions don't ya think? Questions I figured we would get asked occasionally but questions that I dread. Questions that can stop me dead in my tracks and make my stomach turn. Questions that can at times push me to the brink and make me want to scream. Questions that leave me wondering how in the heck to answer them.

Without a doubt The Hulk is my baby. He is my "real" child in every sense of word. I really am the one that can stop the tears, fix the food, do the bed time routine and give the best snuggles. He really is the one boy that can melt my heart and motivate me to be the best person I can be for him. We really are bonded and attached in a way that I can't always describe with words. There is a depth to our relationship that I have only known with two other people in my life, my own mom and my sister.

And yes The Hulk was adopted. I adopted The Hulk in July. There was a court hearing that legalized the act of adoption. However, he is not my adopted son. He is just my son. The adoption was an event it does not define our relationship. He is in no way less real than a child I birthed myself. The process of adopting a child was like a very long pregnancy and that last court hearing was my labor. He is mine and I was blessed that adoption is how he came to me. But I don't define our relationship in terms of that event.

And as far as his father I think he does have one. I think he has a heavenly father. The father that brought him to me and the father that will forever guide his life. Does he have an active Dad in his life. No he doesn't but his relationship with his heavenly father is more powerful and deeper than any earthly relationship could ever be. I may not be able to give him an earthly father but I will forever attempt to build and strengthen his relationship with the one father that really matters.

So those are the answers in my head and in my heart. But those answers are hard to give in grocery stores and gas stations. So I've started coming up with some quick answers to deter people from asking personal questions in the future. Here are my favorite inappropriate responses.

"Is he your baby/is he your son?" Sometimes I say no I just found him on the curb and other times I say no is he your baby? That always stops them dead in their tracks.

"He must look like his dad/who is his dad?" To this I use the response of I'm not sure, I don't remember that night very well. If a man is asking the who is his dad question though I have found that saying don't act like you don't know, I have been waiting for you to claim him for months now works well to get them to walk off.

"Did you adopt him?" I have several responses for this one. I enjoy the no I just picked him up at the cabbage patch response the best though.

While I joke and I'm a bit inappropriate at times I know in my heart that The Hulk was meant to be mine. He is meant to be my son. What other little boy could make my heart so happy and my laugh so loud....

I know lots of you that read this blog have adopted your children. What do you say when people ask personal questions?

1 comment:

Keidi said...

I ran into your blog and I'm LOVING it!! I have a son who also has a darker skin and many people ask me the same kind of questions or for example "where is he from?" I've been thinking many times, what should I answer to those questions of the ignorant people. As I actually did give birth to him I usually just say something like, "from my uterus"