Oh the dreaded church directory pictures were tonight. I should have known that it wouldn't be good. But somehow I convinced myself that really it would be fine. Oh sweet Jesus how very wrong I was!
First the only time they could get us in was for 7:00. The Hulk is usually asleep at 6:30. So that should have been a sign of bad things to come. But regardless of this omen I dressed him and I up all cute and headed to the church. I even wore my pretty new shirt and The Hulk wore an adorable little striped polo. We were looking cute as could be when we left the house....
As soon as I pulled in the parking lot I should have just left. There were so many cars. But no no stupid me unloads the sleepy adorable baby and heads inside to find out they are running late. But that's okay. We will just read some books. All will be fine!
Until The Hulk throws up on himself. Oops that is kinda bad. I didn't bring a back up shirt but most of it was on the side of his shirt and I could kinda hide that in the picture. All will be well. Until he throws up again all over the front of his shirt! And begins to cry! But I fix it by letting him play with some toy trucks. And I convince myself that they will be able to photo shop the puke out of the picture. Until he throws up a third time all over him and me! My cute blouse is now soaked in puke, it has also run down my chest and has saturated my bra. Nice! I'm feeling real pretty for pictures. And I particularly love the smell coming from The Hulk and I.
By this time I've run out of burp clothes and bibs to clean up the puke. I now get a towel from the church kitchen and try to clean us up. The Hulk is screaming and kicking. He grabs my pretty necklace and yanks harder than a giant on PCP and it breaks and beads go flying. And I admit defeat!
I quit trying to clean us up. I just pick up the baby and sit in the pew waiting for our turn. I don't care what the stupid picture looks like. I just want to be done. Finally at 8:18 it is our turn for pictures. So puke boy and I take a seat, smile nice and are all done in a few minutes. He was asleep in the car seat before I got out of the parking lot.
So I took a little vow tonight as I unloaded The Hulk from the car. We are never doing this again! We are never taking church pictures again! Never Never Never.... Until next time!